1.) Bachelor 16-1 Recap: Winemaker Ben “Sloppylocks” Flajnik Seeks SWF to Help Squeeze His Grapes

2.) Nacho Dogs

3.) Celebrity Apprentice: Are you becoming more and more curious to see what Lil John looks like without those stupid glasses?

4.) Watching: Ringer: Pilot (The CW)

5.) Five Things I Learned From the Hollywood Arsonist OR “Cornmeal Thyme Cookies”

6.) Tv Food and Drink: Podcast #1 Featuring Sammy Davis Jr, Ann-Margret and Frank Sinatra

7.) Chipotle Chicken and Apple Pizza

8.) Dancing with the Stars: Nancy Grace Nipple Slip Twitter-Cap

9.) The Bachelor 15-5: Brad Womack and the Two We Know Are Gonna Be in the Finals

10.) Portobello Buffalo Burgers

What do you do when you’ve arrived at home with an UNBELIEVABLE amount of affordable vegetables and a brand new Rachael Ray knife?  You get to work putting together a flavor-infused Mexican feast that serves six…  then you make sure you invite only one other person over to enjoy it with you!

Some of you out there know where I get my produce.  In the local area surrounding our production offices, the market I hit is famous not just for its jaw-droppingly low prices on everything from fresh produce, meats, alcohol and fresh breads, but for its war zone of a parking lot with a single entrance, a single exit, and a slew of locals who are either over the age of eighty or simply ignorant to common driver’s courtesy.  Plastic bags and runaway shopping carts dart around freely, as do at least three or four different languages and a healthy amount of honking and cursing.  It’s even worse inside.  It’s never anything but packed to the gills, and a mustering of patience is required along with extra-protective footwear and a heightened sense of self-preservation.

Yes, I very much have to be in a overwhelmingly composed, almost reverent state of mind to venture into the Super King Market at 2716 N. San Fernando Road in the Glassell Park neighborhood of Los Angeles.  I take a deep breath, purse my lips, tuck down my head, and concentrate on the finish line, much as I imagine I might if I were forced to walk across hot coals or experience a colonoscopy.

But the Super King produce section alone is worth the behavior modification, even if it exhausts me beyond the point of being able to hit any of the individual food aisles.  Only in my most recent visit did I actually find I had the energy after scooping up all my produce to venture over to the extensive dried peppers section, where I snapped up  bags of guajillo, pachillo and anso chile pods for future salsa making, then wander through the jarred vegetable aisles where I picked up black beans, pickled jalapenos, hot spicy olives, whole chipotle peppers in adobo sauce and a 32 ounce jar of minced garlic.

And now you have an idea of what kind of meals you’ll be seeing here in coming weeks. But for now, it’s my super-simple homemade guacamole and salsa along with a pretty straighforward enchilada recipe for you to enjoy with people you love.  Not necessarily simple in terms of number of ingredients, but there are no real surprises on how I put them to work.  I won’t make this meal without the tomatillos, though.  They add a tanginess that cannot be missed, and they’re fun to work with.  I usually have about two to three hundred of them to choose from at the Super King.

I welcome any ingredient suggestions/additions.  If you don’t have your own favorite enchilada recipe, give this one a go.  The pics tell you all you need to know!

Señor Verde’s Chicken Enchiladas

Serves 6

• 6 large corn tortillas
• 2 large boneless chicken breasts
• 6 ripe avocados
• 6-8 Roma tomatoes (one additional, diced and separated)
• 5-6 tomatillos
• 2 jalapeno peppers, cored, seeded and roughly chopped
• 2 Anaheim peppers, cored, seeded and roughly chopped
• 1 medium white onion, roughly chopped
• 2 green onions, finely chopped
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• ½ cup finely chopped cilantro
• juice of 1/2 lime
• 2 cups shredded Mexican cheese blend, divided
• 1 15 ounce can hot Enchilada sauce
• sour cream and tortilla chips
• 2 teaspoons cayenne pepper, separated
• 2 teaspoons cumin, separated
• oil for frying

Peel the husks off the tomatillos and place them in a small pot of water.  Salt and bring to a boil for ten minutes.  Drain tomatillos from water, rinse in cold water to cool slightly, and place with the Roma tomatoes into a food processor.  Pulse to the desired consistency for your salsa.  Empty pulsed mixture into the storage bowl you’ll be using for your salsa.  Don’t bother rinsing out anything left behind in the food processor.  It’s going right back to work.

Place the onion, cilantro, jalapeno and Anaheim peppers into the food processor and pulse until finely chopped.  Divide into two equal parts.  Add one part to your tomato mixture and combine thoroughly.  Set the other part aside.

In a separate bowl, place your peeled and cored avocados and use a potato masher to mash avocado meat to eliminate any and all large chunks.  Mix in the other half of your onion and pepper mixture and combine thoroughly, using a fork to mash any smaller lumps that may have escaped the potato masher.

Add one teaspoon of cayenne pepper to the salsa and one to the guacamole.  Do the same with the cumin, then salt and pepper to taste.  Mix thoroughly once again.  Taste the guacamole.  If it’s too hot for you, add a tablespoon of sour cream, mix and test again.  Repeat until you achieve the desired taste.  Squeeze the lime juice into the guacamole, give it another mix.  Cover and put the guac in the refrigerator.


Place chicken breasts in a well-oiled pan and cover in salsa until well covered.  You should have plenty of salsa leftover.  Place it in the refrigerator promptly.  The temperature of the tomatillos may mean it will take longer to cool.  Add one cup of water to the chicken.

Bring mixture a boil and then drop back the temperature, cover and allow to simmer for about a half an hour.  Check every ten minutes or so and add small amounts of water to keep chicken from drying out too much.  At the half-hour point, most of the water should be gone, and your chicken should be very tender.  Pull it to shreds with two forks.

Preheat the oven to 375ºF. Heat 2 tablespoons of oil in a large frying pan over a medium high heat, and then fry the tortillas on 5 seconds per side until they are warm and easy to fold. Add more oil as required. Drain the tortillas on paper towels and keep them warm.

Divide the chicken, the diced tomato, and one cup of the Mexican shredded cheese between the tortillas. Roll them up and place in a greased baking pan, seam side down. Cover in Enchilada sauce.

Bake enchiladas for 20 minutes then top with the rest of the cheese and bake for a further 5 minutes. Use the green onions and any remaining cilantro to garnish them.  Serve with refried beans, Spanish rice, tortilla chips, your guacamole and the salsa, or serve the chips, guac and salsa with tequila shots and/or Tecate beer before dinner.

The hot dogs were almost always on a paper plate.  This was because washing the dishes was one of her household chores, and she excelled at creating less work for herself.  She would spear each hot dog with a fork and eat it skewer-style.  That eliminated the need for a knife.  With a swipe through the mustard mound on the edge of the plate and then up to her mouth, her eyes never even had to leave the screen.

I have many memories of growing up with my older sister, Kelli, and much of it relates to food.

There was the time she brought a peperoncini to me and asked me if I wanted to eat it.
“What is it?” I asked innocently.
“A deflated pickle!” she cheerily replied, then relished as I popped it into my mouth only to scream moments later at the sour bile exploding on my tongue.  I immediately reported this violation to my mom, who went looking for the peperoncini jar intending to force Kelli to eat one as punishment.  But Kid Kelli had quite cleverly already dumped the rest of the jar’s contents down the garbage disposal.  At family get-togethers, she still boasts about this story.

When we were fortunate enough to have a box of Lucky Charms in the house, Kelli would get out of bed early, fish out all the marbits and create for herself an “all Charms” breakfast, leaving me with a bowl of toasted oat bits.  She’d also take the toy.

Kelli’s short-changing me on flavor enjoyment was not always intentional however.  She happened to know that when there were no traditional sweets in the house, she could eat baking chocolate instead and it was just as good.  Though she finally did share this secret with me, the box my mother happened to have on hand that day was unsweetened rather than sweetened, and I ended up with yet another mouth full of bitterness… and betrayal.

Kelli created food miracles for herself every day.  There was very little she couldn’t turn into a meal.  At least three times a week, she’d make her famous dinner of popcorn and salami slices.  If the jar of pickles on the refrigerator door was empty, the juice left behind made for an exciting and energy-restoring beverage.  And then there was butter… not spread on anything, or melted into anything.  Kid Kelli just ate butter.  A cube resting on its open wrapper, warmed to room temperature and eaten with her index finger did away with the need for plates and utensils altogether!

As for hot dogs, Kelli preferred them cooked in the microwave for a minimum of four minutes.  She enjoyed them best ruptured and rubbery, with not a hint of moisture left behind.  If they didn’t look like kindling, they weren’t done.  Hot dog buns were a rare luxury in our house, so she simply rolled the mummified links onto a paper plate and headed for the family room floor.  If there was butter or pickle juice handy, so much the better.

Kelli grew up to become a very good cook… when she deems the timing suitable to her.  On her list of engaging activities, I would guess time in the kitchen doesn’t even make her top twenty. She’s got a career, a husband and a daughter, two dogs and an extended family she travels across the country to visit as much as she can.  Does she have time for a forty-minute hot dog recipe?  Maybe, but why should she bother when she knows she can get me to make them for her whenever she wants.  After all, these dogs are satisfying not only in taste, but in design.  Grill marks, orange shreds of cheese, green chunky guacamole, red tangy salsa and crumbled blue corn chips combine here for an eye-popping regal feast!

But offering to give up forty minutes… for hot dogs?

Kelli wouldn’t even laugh. Forty minutes?

She’d just look confused, and a little disappointed in you.

Nacho Dogs from Bobby Flay

For the guacamole:

• 2 ripe Hass avocados, peeled, pitted and coarsely chopped
• 1 large jalapeno, finely diced
• 3 tablespoons finely diced red onion
• 1 lime, juiced
• 2 tablespoons canola oil
• 3 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro leaves
• Salt
• Freshly ground black pepper

For the Grilled Tomato-Chipotle Salsa:

• 4 plum tomatoes
• 4 tablespoons canola oil
• Salt
• Freshly ground black pepper
• 3 tablespoons red wine vinegar
• 2 teaspoons chipotle in adobo puree
• 3 tablespoons finely diced red onion

For the hot dogs:

• 8 kosher beef or turkey or chicken hot dogs
• 8 hot dog buns, split 3/4 of the way through
• 1 1/2 cups grated yellow Cheddar
• 8 pickled jalapenos, thinly sliced (I went without them)
• Fried blue corn tortilla chips, coarsely crumbled

For the guacamole: Combine the avocados, jalapeno, onion, lime juice, oil and cilantro in a bowl and gently mix until combined. Season with salt and pepper.

For the grilled tomato-chipotle salsa: Heat the grill to high. Brush tomatoes with 2 tablespoons of thecanola oil and season with salt and pepper. Place on the grill and grill until charred on all sides. Remove from the grill, slice the tomatoes in half, remove the seeds and coarsely chop.

Whisk together the remaining 2 tablespoons of oil, vinegar, chipotle puree and onion in a small bowl, add the tomatoes and stir to combine. Season with salt and pepper.

For the hot dogs: Preheat the grill to high. Grill hot dogs until golden brown on all sides, about 7 minutes. Remove to a plate. Place buns on the grill cut side down and grill until lightly golden brown, about 20 seconds. Place hot dogs in the buns, top with cheese, jalapeno, guacamole, salsa and tortilla chips.

Stage Fright clearly has nothing to offer you.  Stick with Psycho.

For months now, MG and I have regularly observed a Friday night tradition of homemade pizza and movie-watching at Chez Tv Food and Drink.  It’s become such a ritual that I generally start mentally nominating film contenders and potential pizza toppings as early as the Wednesday before.  All the necessary ingredients are in-house by Thursday night, and if the selected film can’t be found via DVR search or on the living room shelves, an expedition to local DVD retailers is commissioned until the required title is smoked out and bagged.

And all of that happens before I even get to the cleaning of the house.  The living room must be in perfect order.  Throw pillows appropriately placed.  Stray books, sneakers, and electronic gear stowed away.  Aquarium cleaned and filled.  Glass tabletops free of all smudges and rings.  Curtains opened so the lights from the balcony candles are able to reflect their charm into the window panes.  Ipod turned on to the “Cocktail Hour” playlist featuring over 500 of my favorite lounge tunes, exotica, and Bond soundtracks.

And my OCD goes double for the kitchen.  Countertops must be scrubbed down and free of any unnecessary appliances. Dirty dishes are washed, dried and put away.  Cutting boards set out along with all appropriate knives and the rolling pin for the pizza dough.  By the time MG arrives from work, I have the entirety of that night’s pizza built and ready to hit the oven.  Then together we count three, hoist up the pie via the slice of parchment paper underneath, and transport it onto the pizza stone, which has been heating in the oven at 500°F for no less than thirty minutes.  Once the oven door is kicked closed, I make our drinks and we head to the living room to discuss the day for the next 12-18 minutes until it’s time to slice up our dinner, kill the lights, and start our movie.

Pizza and a Movie night – hardly a new concept, though I don’t know if anyone in the history of Pizza and Movie Nights has taken it as seriously as I do.

There wasn’t more behind the decision to make Greek Pizza this past week beyond a half-full jar of kalamata olives taking up valuable refrigerator door space.  I had purchased them specifically to make a Mediterranean burger recipe that most certainly did not result in a resounding “Opa!” from me.  And since, aside from the green ones I toss into my martinis, I don’t use olives for anything, the kalamatas had to go!  They added a nice salty touch to this pizza, but I wouldn’t recommend more than a 1/4 cup, well-diced and spread evenly over the top.  They are a potent force, and too much can completely overrun the flavor of the pie.

Along with the feta cheese, spinach, tomatoes and fresh rosemary, I dressed the pizza up with chopped pancetta because I can’t imagine ever making a pizza that doesn’t include some form of meat product.  The sauce was my standard homemade habanero (recipe below), which, if you prefer less heat, can be made without the single pepper inclusion. Most of the sauces I found in what were claiming to be “authentic” Greek pizzas were for some reason, mayonnaise-based, something I had no interest in even giving a shot.

The movie selection had a little more thought behind it.  Alfred Hitchcock’s Stage Fright is a mostly-forgotten film, and it’s not entirely undeserved.  Neither total thriller nor total mystery, swaying unevenly between light-heartedness and tense character conflicts, and with a performance from Marlene Dietrich that wipes co-stars Jane Wyman, Richard Todd and Michael Wilding immediately from all memory banks, this feels more like a re-charging of Hitchcock’s batteries on his way to helming the brilliant Strangers on a Train, which immediately followed this film.

Wyman plays Eve Gill, an aspiring acting student at England’s Royal Academy of Dramatic Artt who goes undercover as a maid working for famed actress-singer Charlotte Inwood (Dietrich) in an attempt to unmask her as true culprit in the murder of Inwood’s husband, for which Eve’s boyfriend (Todd) is currently under suspicion.

Despite its unevenness in tone and pacing, there are several memorable elements in Stage Fright.  Most notably is the wonderfully-shot flashback that occurs in the first twenty minutes of the film.  To say anything more would be giving away a vital plot point, but if you intend to see this movie and want to go in completely unbiased, stay away from any and all reviews, as this flashback is almost always the first thing mentioned, and often, lambasted.

Unfortunately, the debate over the merits of this flashback has overshadowed so many other satisfying “Hitchcockian” moments in the film, including a taut climax in the prop catacombs underneath a vacant theatre house, an innocent young boy scout tricked into taunting Charlotte with a bloodied kewpie doll, and a scene-stealing turn from horse-toothed character actress Joyce Grenfell as a shooting gallery attendant inviting one and all to “come and shoot some lovely ducks!”

And then… there is that musical number.

The Greek pizza definitely surpassed the film in terms of artistic success.  There was a nice balance between salty and tangy, crumbly and smooth, and each bite put a different ingredient – pancetta, feta, rosemary, olive – to the forefront.  By contrast, the movie we paired it with was repetitive and a little bland in places, while charming and enthralling in others.  Much like Dietrich’s musical number, there’s a bit of sleepy indifference that Stage Fright is never quite able to escape.

Greek Pizza

For homemade pizza dough, click here.  For homemade sauce with a bit of a habanero kick, click here. Otherwise, a 12-inch pizza crust and two cups of sauce should suffice.

• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 1 cup fresh baby spinach
• 2 Roma tomatoes, sliced
• 2 cups mozzarella cheese, grated (or if you’re cutting the cheese into slices, as I did with the pie in these pics, you want just enough for a one-laer canopy over your sauce, spinach and tomatoes.  Don’t worry – there’s more cheese to come!!)
• 1/4 – 1/2 cup Kalamata olives, diced (their flavor is potent, so the amount you use is entirely up to you.  I went on the low end and found that it was more than enough for me)
• 3/4 cup feta cheese, crumbled fine
• 1/4 cup sharp cheddar cheese (this really isn’t necessary, but it adds some terrific color)
• 3/4 cup pancetta, chopped
• 1 tsp black pepper
• 2 tsp red pepper flakes
• 2 tsp fresh rosemary, chopped

You could also add in 1/2 cup of sliced red onions and 1/2 cut of chopped oil-packed sun dried tomatoes.  Some chopped green bell peppers would add some great color as well.

Preheat your oven and pizza stone at 500°F for at least thirty minutes.  Spread the olive oil over the edges of your pizza dough to get that nice golden brown hue when it’s fully cooked.  Spread your sauce thinly and evenly, and then add your baby spinach and your tomatoes, followed by the mozzarella, cheddar, olives, feta and pancetta.  Top with black pepper, red pepper flakes and rosemary.  Cook for 11-14 minutes or until edges of the crust are crispy brown and the cheese is bubbly and slightly browned as well.

For the first time in over three years, I’m a non-working television producer.  As of today, I have been without a job for eight whole days.  Breaking it down, that’s 192 hours, which isn’t so bad.  Heck, I’ve slept more than 192 hours straight on several different occasions.

You can also think of it as 11,520 minutes, which starts to sound a little frightening… though not as frightening as 991,200 seconds.  Holy smokes!  I’ve been a non-working producer for 991,200 seconds?  It’s true what they say about life… it really passes you by before you know it.

You may have noticed that I’m using the term “non-working,” which I think is much nicer than “unemployed,” don’t you?  In fact, if we put our minds to it, we can put a much nicer spin on any unfortunate situation just by tinkering a bit with word choices.  Examples:  My show wasn’t “canceled.”  It just “concluded its run.”  My financial situation hasn’t “stagnated.”  It’s merely “awaiting an upcoming monetary installment.”  You’re not “old.”  You’re simply “well seasoned!”

I’m doing my best to stay in the moment, which is what everyone is telling me I need to do.  Actually, before they tell me to stay in the moment, they ask that question all “non-working” producers just love to hear: “So… now what?”

It’s like they think I keep thirty or forty fully developed careers on stand-by for just such an occasion.  “Well, let me take a look at my handy list here… oh!  Next up is ice cream man.  Perfect!  Summer is just around the corner.  Kids are out of school.  All I need is a little paper hat and a van that plays “Do Your Ears Hang Low?” and I’m right back in the game!

People also do their best to get you very excited about having potentially endless free time on your hands.  “Think of all the things you can do now!” they encourage brightly, “Re-decorate!  Write a novel! Run a marathon!”  Why in god’s name would I want to do any of those things?  Those sound worse than having to go to work every day.  Even if I was independently wealthy, I don’t think any of those things would interest me.

I appreciate all the words of encouragement, instructions on what to do when life gives me lemons, and the reminders that I’m only about thirty work years away from having to scoop up french fries and assemble Happy Meal boxes if I don’t play my cards right.

But for the next 991,200 seconds, I think I will focus on making pizza.

Have you listened to a steaming hot pizza pie just out of the oven recently? The way it sizzles and hisses as the cheese bubbles pop hyperactively from one end of the crust to the other? That aroma of tangy sweet and spicy sauce snaking its way through your kitchen? Even those charred little pockets of mozzarella left behind on the walls of your oven take on a fragrant reminder the next morning… man, I love pizza!

And that’s… what’s now.

So if you’re in the Hollywood area, you should definitely stop by and snag yourself a slice. And don’t worry about gaining weight. At Tv Food and Drink, your butt never looks “fat.” It merely looks “super existent.”

I went to my pizza guru for this recipe, My Year on the Grill, who recommends that you cover the sliced tomatoes, chicken and the sauce with the cheese, and let them melt down into the ingredient floors below.  he recommends Scamorza, but mozzarella of course works fine too.  Also, he grills the red onion rings before putting them on to the pizza, but MG is not a red onion fan, so I went with a light sprinkling of diced white onion (Year on the Grill uses the rings from one entire red onion).

• Crust of choice, premade or homemade
• Extra Virgin Olive Oil
• Salt and Pepper
• BBQ sauce of choice
• Scamorza Cheese slices
• cooked chicken… about 2 cups, shredded
• 1 red onion, sliced and separated into rings, grilled
• 3 Roma Tomatoes sliced thin

Preheat oven and pizza stone (or heavy baking sheet) to 500 degrees for at least 30 minutes.

Roll your crust out on parchment paper to your likeness.  Brush Olive oil around the edges. Salt and pepper the crust.

Layer the BBQ sauce to within 1/2 inch of the edge.  Top with Chicken, cheese slices onions and then more cheese
Bake for 10 minutes until the cheese starts to bubble.  Be sure to let cool sufficiently before cutting.

Show of hands, please?

How many of you out there don’t even own any Sergio Mendes and Brasil ’66?  Another show of hands, please?

For shame.

What is the fun of a meal this colorful, vibrant and bursting with flavor if you don’t serve it up with music to match its rich, kaleidoscopic, south of the border beauty?

Fear not.  I’m not hear to pass judgment.  I’m here to help.

Click on the tune directly below and read on.  You’re listening to “Tim Dom Dom” from Herb Alpert Presents: Sergio Mendes and Brasil ’66, recorded in 1966 at Sunset Sound Recorders in Hollywood, California!  Come on, give it a spin.  

If you can find a better piece of music with which to continue reading this post’s recipe, I’d love to hear from you.

Besides, how many other blogs are you going to hit up today that provide their own musical accompaniment?

tim_dom_dom.mp3

Señor Verde’s Slow Cooked Montezuma Chicken

• 4 medium to large chicken breasts
• 1 15 oz. can black beans
• 1 teaspoon ground cumin
• 1 teaspoon chili powder
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper
• 1 tablespoon fresh cilantro minced
• 2 cloves garlic minced
• 1 tablespoon fresh lime juice
• 1 8.5 oz. sweet yellow corn, drained
• 1/2 white onion, diced
• 3 Roma tomatoes, diced
• 1/2 large orange or red bell pepper, diced
• 1 jalapeno pepper, stemmed, cored and diced
• 1 cup shredded Mexican blend cheese

Slice each chicken breast in half (it doesn’t matter which way.  Once cooked the chicken will pull apart easily with a fork).  Add all ingredients, except cheese, in slow cooker – chicken first, followed by black beans, then cumin, chili powder, salt, pepper, cilantro garlic and lime juice.  Top that with corn, onion, tomato, bell pepper and jalapeno.

Cook on low for 7-8 hours or on high for 3-4 hours. Midway through, stir to mix ingredients thoroughlly.

Top with shredded cheese for last three minutes of cook time, or top with cheese after spooning chicken onto plate and place in oven on low heat until desired melt is reached. Serve immediately.

Presented above with Mexican rice and tomatillo sauce.  MG cleared his plate.  I am certain the guests of your casa will do the same.  And with any luck, you’ll have some chicken leftover for weekday burrito making! You’ll know what music to play.

Last week, I had a bum foot. MG labeled it plantar fasciitis, because MG knows about such things. I like to just call it a bum foot. Sounds more gruff.

MG and I were supposed to host a finger food party/mini stop-motion animation film festival last weekend. I know… doesn’t sound very gruff, does it? But I was excited because it was going to be the first party where the entire evening’s menu was to be catered by Tv Food and Drink. The menu was going to consist of, among other things, sugar and cumin spiced almonds, roasted marinated peppers, sun-dried tomato hummus, onion brie tarts, stuffed mushrooms and Italian meatballs.

I had been imagining the unending songs of praise that were to come my way for days ahead of time. I even went so far as to consult Martha Stewart’s Hors d-Oeuvres for presentation suggestions. Yeah, I think at this point we can just retire the word “gruff” from this entry altogether.

The party was not to be, sadly, as I was unable to put any weight on my left foot (insert your own Daniel Day Lewis joke here) for more than a few minutes without a dagger of pain shooting up my leg.  But me and MG still gotta eat, right?  So I headed to my favorite stop for fast and friendly recipes, HalfHourMeals.com, and zeroed in on contribution from fellow HHM member and Packers fan, Ashley.

So, instead of a night full of friends and a table full of finger foods, we enjoyed these rich, satisfying and quick-to-make quesadillas by ourselves on the couch while we watched 30 Rock and Modern Family off the DVR and I rolled a racqetball back and forth under my aching foot for three hours.  All in all, still a pretty good night, even though I got to be neither gruff nor Martha Stewart.

Mediterranean Shrimp Quesadillas, submitted by Ashley to HalfHourMeals.com

• 3/4 lb pre-cooked shrimp, tails removed and chopped
• 1/2 cup red onion
• sliced
3/4 cup petite diced tomatoes, drained
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1/2 cup kalmata olives, halved
• 1/2 cup feta cheese
• 1 cup mozzarella cheese, shredded
• 1 tsp dried oregano
• 1 1/2 Tbl olive oil
• 2 Tbl butter (we substituted olive oil)
• 8 corn tortillas, 6 inch
• sour cream for topping (we substituted Greek yogurt and it was delicious)

Heat oil over medium in a large skillet. Add olives and onions. Saute until onions are tender. Reduce heat to medium low, and add garlic and tomatoes. Cook for 2-3 minutes. Add chopped shrimp and oregano. Cook for an additional 2 minutes.

In a separate skillet melt 1/4 of the allotted amount of butter (again, olive oil is a fine substitute). Place tortilla in skillet. Add 1/4 amount of feta and 1/8 amount of mozzarella cheese. Place 1/4 of shrimp mixture on top of the tortilla and cheese. Top with 1/8 mozzarella. Place a tortilla on top. When cheese has melted, flip quesadilla. Allow cheese to melt and tortilla to crisp. Remove from heat, and repeat procedure till you have 4 quesadillas. Quarter quesadillas and serve with a side of sour cream or Greek yogurt.

First… what do you make for dinner that will be satisfying and delicious, but super-easy because you started drinking champagne at four o’clock in the the afternoon and don’t have the energy to attempt anything even remotely ambitious?

Second… is it possible to eat a fantastic deep-fried tortilla loaded down with crab meat, jalapeño, avocado, tomato, onion, lime, and cotija cheese ONE-HANDED and NOT drop morsels onto the table?

The answer to the first question: Crab Tostadas.

The answer to the second question: No Fucking Way.

MG and I spent the morning at our favorite breakfast spot, Vintage Enoteca on Sunset Blvd. in Hollywood, then on to the Fairfax-Beverly Farmer’s Market where I loaded up on about thirty dollars worth of produce… and then back to Vintage for some 4pm mimosas and champagne mixed with blueberry simple sugar.

I don’t know what the name of this drink is, and I’m not sure that the owners of Vintage Enoteca have given it a name either… at least not one that might catch on, like Harvey Wallbanger or Bloody Mary.  They might want to consider naming it after me, because I’m about to start ordering it on a regular basis.

The recipe is easy…  champagne, blueberry-flavored simple sugar (which I didn’t know existed), and three fresh blueberries tossed in for a glam factor.

The narrow glass kept the champagne fizzing nicely and the blueberries bouncing gleefully between the top and the bottom of the drink, which created quite a show.

MG and I were truly mesmerized by the beauty of it. If you’ve ever looked at a lava lamp and thought to yourself, “… if only drinkable…,” this is the beverage for you.

It’s not the kind of drink I normally go for… at all…  but I loved it… so, I had a couple of them… but I wasn’t ready for the effect that champagne would have on me… or the bubbles… nope, I wasn’t ready for them… and before I knew it… I was singing… along to Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive” pumping through the restaurant via satellite radio… quite loudly.

Hi.  My name is Gary.  I’m half in the bag at 4:30 on a Saturday afternoon.  And I like Bon Jovi.

But here’s something good for YOU to know!  If you ever find yourself half in the bag at 4:30 on a Saturday afternoon listening to Bon Jovi, the recipe I’m about to give you is perfect for a dinner you can still manage to pull off successfully.  And you’ll most likely score some major kudos to boot!  I know, because I did it!

Yes, it does involve some knife-work, so if you’re still feeling the “champagne-wobbles,” you might want to nap or bless yourself with a cold shower before heading into your kitchen. But prep is minimal, clean-up is super-fast, and the payoff is wonderfully flavor-packed and completely satisfying.  So get yourself soused, pull out the knives, and chop up the veggies… it’s crab tostadas!  The perfect meal for the mildly inebriated!

Crab Tostadas
1 pound lump crabmeat
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 tablespoons mayonnaise
3 tablespoons finely chopped red onion (I substituted a white onion)
1 jalapeño, stemmed and finely chopped
3 plum tomatoes, cored, seeded, and chopped
1/2 cup crumbled cotija cheese
1/4 cup lightly packed cilantro leaves, chopped
2 limes, finely grated zest and juice
1 lime, sliced
Salt, black pepper, hot sauce to taste
Sour Cream
8 flat tostada shells, packaged or homemade
1 avocado, pitted and thinly sliced
Cilantro sprigs

Drain the crab meat and pick through with your fingers to remove any cartilage.
Add the oil, mayonnaise, onion, jalapeño, tomatoes, cilantro, and lime zest and juice to the crabmeat. Gently fold (or toss) all ingredients until well blended. Season well with salt, pepper and hot sauce.

Top each tostada shell with a few slices of avocado, place a generous serving of the crabmeat mixture over it, and garnish with a sprig of cilantro and the cotija cheese. Serve with lime wedges and sour cream on the side.

The next version of this meal will include some pinto beans and some chopped pickled jalapeños WITH seeds thrown in with the crab mixture, because I don’t think this meal would have suffered from some additional heat.  If extra heat isn’t your style, keep the recipe as is, and you’ll love it.

And a note… this meal is good, but messy.  Make sure you advise your diners to eat directly over their plates.  MG thought he had learned enough from his first tostada to manage devouring his second without dropping anything onto the plate or table below him, but a structural failure in the tostada itself proved to ruin his master plan, along with his clean wrist.

Poor baby.

I love you, Michael Granberry.

Or it could just be that I’m a jerk.

But guess what? I don’t care. This soup really is that good. Let this soup bring out the snotty selfish possessive brat in you.

And luckily, it’s as incredibly easy to make as it is powerfully delicious, so I suggest doubling the recipe below and making two batches, labeling one “Yours,” and the other one “NOT YOURS.” Then invite over loved ones to feast on it.

Not only was it a quick prep, but the ingredient list is also amazingly simple. The only ingredient I didn’t already have in my kitchen was the goat cheese which is a nice finishing touch, but isn’t even necessary to make this baby sing.

Serve it cold in the warm months, and heat it up the night you trim the Christmas tree.

And no, a grilled mozzarella, tomato and basil sandwich wouldn’t hurt the situation either, in case you might have been concerned about that.

Summer Tomato and Bell Pepper Soup from Epicurious

• 2 1/4 cups tomato juice
• 1 1/3 cups finely chopped tomatoes (about 11 ounces)
• 1/2 cup (generous) finely chopped roasted red bell peppers from jar
• 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 1 tablespoon red wine vinegar
• 1 tablespoon prepared white horseradish
• 1 garlic clove, pressed
• Generous dash of hot pepper sauce
• Fine sea salt
• 4 1/3-inch-thick rounds soft fresh goat cheese
• 6 grape tomatoes, cut in half
• 2 tablespoons thinly sliced fresh basil
• Additional extra-virgin olive oil (for drizzling)

Combine first 8 ingredients in large bowl; whisk to blend. Season soup to taste with sea salt and freshly ground black pepper. Cover and refrigerate until well chilled and flavors blend, at least 2 hours. DO AHEAD: Can be made 6 hours ahead. Keep chilled.
Ladle soup into 4 bowls. Top each with 1 goat cheese round and 3 grape tomato halves. Sprinkle with freshly ground black pepper and basil. Drizzle with oil and serve.

For me, it was a blood-pressure scare.

That’s overly-dramatic. It was more of a warning. My doctor alerted me that my numbers were creeping up and that a diet change would be the fastest way to keeping things under control.

I was closing in on the big 4-0 and was really hoping to keep serious medical issues, and certainly daily medication, at bay for a few more years.

So I reluctantly (at first) lumbered into the kitchen and started learning how to cook for myself. I wanted to be in charge of the ingredients I was consuming, and I wanted to make better food choices for my body.

Now, if you look at a lot of the food I make, you may ask yourself, “Gary, did your doctor actually recommend lots of cheese, sausages and baked goods, or did you come to that conclusion on your own?”



Fair question… if you assume that I eat this kind of food three times a day, seven days a week.

The truth is that I find a lot of satisfaction in working alone in the kitchen, 60s lounge music playing on my iPod Dock and my “manly” apron (I insisted MG make sure it was “manly” before he bought it for me) around my neck.

The process of focusing on a recipe, measurements, temperature, and plain old instincts with no help from anyone and no concern about who might judge the final product aside from myself is very gratifying and more importantly… calming (read: “good for the blood pressure”).

And now that I’ve fallen in love with the building blocks of a recipe, I tend to look for things that challenge my abilities more than things that are good for me. And that’s turned out to be okay, because most of the time for me, the process of creating is so much more interesting than consuming the results.

By the time it’s done, all the fun is over for me.

So… MG eats it instead. My friends eat it. Family members eat it.  My co-workers eat it.

And I stay relatively thin, with applaudable systolic and diastolic numbers

So, while you may see a mountain of 800 lemon bars in a photo here, please don’t assume I plopped myself down in a corner and inhaled as many as I could until I was in a sugar coma so extreme I could do nothing more than sing “If I Only Had a Brain” to myself and fish lint out of my navel.

The blood pressure numbers are totally in the green zone, and have been for a number of months now. I still consume too much cheese, vodka, white flour and sugar, but there are a lot more fresh vegetables, healthy spices and fruits in my diet.

There’s also almost a complete elimination of delivery pizza, frozen snack items and anything that is pushed on our culture by a clown named Ronald… though I still have my Hamburgler doll from childhood… not as pristine white as he once was, but I’m afraid he’s too fragile to put into the wash.

And to help make sure I’m keeping myself open to other styles of cooking, I routinely visit blogs that do have an angle of “health appeal” to them. One of my favorites is StephenCooks.com. Stephen has been cooking since his college days, but a diagnosis later in life of Type 2 diabetes forced him to re-consider his exercise regime, his diet and the way he prepared his meals.

Instead of abandoning his love of food altogether, Stephen was smart and went about finding ways to adapt his cooking methods to fall in line with his medical needs.  And based on the hundreds of fantastic recipes he has been posting to his blog since 2005, he has proved that it can be done, with not a flavor lost to the tongue.

Having said that, this recipe for tomato basil dipping sauce isn’t exactly the most complicated recipe you’ll find on Stephen’s site, but it’s exactly what I was looking for at the very moment I found it… a simple healthier pre-dinner snack for me and MG. I was hoping to have some leftover for a sandwich spread the following day, but there was nothing left (sorry MG – that’s mostly on you!).

As Stephen notes, this works great not just as a dipping sauce with crudités, as I served it. Its flavor also works great with sandwiches, scrambled eggs or spaghetti squash. I’m sure I’ll find 101 other uses for it as well. It’s so easy to make, I think I’ll always just keep a little of it on hand ready to go in the fridge.  Thanks Stephen!

Enjoy the recipe below. And please check out StephenCooks.com for lots more!

Fresh Tomato Basil Dipping Sauce

• 2 medium tomatoes, cored and cut in quarters
• 1 clove garlic
• 2 tsp olive oil
• 3 anchovy fillets
• 1/2 teaspoon dried basil
• 1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• Minced parsley or fresh basil for garnish (optional)

Place all the ingredients in a blender and purée on high at least 3 minutes.  Season to taste.  Refrigerate until ready to serve.