Postal Envy

The mail lady just knocked on the door with a package for MG. I answered the door shirtless, in a black apron that hung lower than my shorts underneath, covered in flour and holding a giant rolling pin in one hand…

“Oh, are you cooking?” she asked innocently.
“Well… in a way” I answered, and smiled big.

She didn’t think it was funny.

Dancing with the Stars: November 21, 2011 – VIDEO – Is Rob Kardashian Going to Win It All?

If Dancing with the Stars were the ongoing battle for the lead in the 2012 Republican presidential nomination, Rob Kardashian would be the Newt Gingrich

Like an Armenian tortoise with a degree from USC and a booty that can ride two zip codes at once, Rob Kardashian has snuck up on this season’s DWTS competition without much of a notice, and looks poised for a possible upset victory tomorrow night.

Check out his freestyle performance below (his score is there as well for anyone who hasn’t seen it yet.

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Jennifer Lopez Pimps for Fiat on The AMAs – VIDEO

If you look very very carefully, you might just catch the product placement in J-Lo’s performance.

And I remember thinking how out of control it was back in 1986 when Wang Chung dared to include their own name in  ”Everybody Have Fun Tonight.” How far we’ve come.

Had the Fiat just rolled onto stage at the end and whisked her off, I don’t think I would have felt so dirty for having tuned in. But when a car that looks like a big toe on wheels comes off cooler in the performance than the person actually performing, everyone should be worried.

Video below.  And right now, somewhere in Hollywood, a network executive is sitting on their couch, working up a preliminary budget for the next big television phenomenon: Dancing with the Datsuns.

Thanks J-Lo.
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Your Sunday Sinatra: “It Happened in Monterey” – Frank Sinatra and Nelson Riddle

“Stars and steel guitars… Luscious lips as red as wine… Broke somebody’s heart… and I’m afraid that it was mine”

“It Happened in Monterey” was written by lyricist Billy Rose and composer Mabel Wayne for the 1930 film revue King of Jazz starring Bing Crosby, John Boles, and Jeanette Loff.

The… shall we politely call it “dated”… version, as performed by Boles and Loff, is included below.  Clear the dance floor for great-gradma.  When she hears this coming out of your speakers, she’s gonna jump up, pop a rose between her teeth and bolero herself from one end of the living room to the other!

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Season of the Cookie: Peanut Butter Whoopie Pies – VIDEO

Also known as “gobs,” “bobs” “black-and-whites” and “BFO’S” (Big Fat Oreos), the whoopie pie is the official “state treat” of Maine.  These cakey cookies exploding with buttercream have never had their origins fully explained, though most attribute it to Pennsylvania Dutch country.

My sister Jodi and I recently had an all-day marathon cookie making session that included carrot cake cookies (see them here), chocolate mint sandwich cookies (here), and these peanut butter whoopie pies.  Working side by side, we quickly reverted to the traditional roles we held growing up within the structure of the Green family.  She transformed into the bossy taskmaster who knows better than everyone else, while I became the whiney “mistake child” who resorts to raising his voice and cutting other people off in an effort to have his opinion respected.  If you don’t believe me, check out the VIDEO PROOF below.

The combination of my sister’s and my family-fostered dysfunction and rampant insecurities appears to have worked wonders!  By the end of the day we had something along the lines of 300 cookies cooling on dishes and parchment paper slices all over my home.  And they all turned out pretty spectacular, plus we were still speaking to one another. There was a brief “missing acrylic fingernail” panic, but what kitchen experience is complete without one of those? Continue reading “Season of the Cookie: Peanut Butter Whoopie Pies – VIDEO” »

Cancelled?! How Change Causes Heartache

Guest posting today is Sebastian Compagnucci, founder of The Rambling Crab.

Sebastian Compagnucci (a.k.a. “The Rambling Crab”) argues why actors should turn in their union cards when their defining roles come to an end.

This week has been all about change. We get caught in our day-to-day routine, completely oblivious to the world until something drastic throws a wrench in the mix. I’ve been hearing people bitch about “change” a lot lately. People now hate Facebook because of their recent dashboard updates, Google+ seems to be gaining surprising popularity, and I just discovered the newly altered state of Verizon Fios’ menu layout – oh, the horror.

I don’t think anyone necessarily has a problem with change itself, rather the need to potentially learn something new in order to properly adapt to the change. Take Facebook for example – when I feel as though I’ve finally mastered the latest updates, completely new and complicated upgrades derail my progress. Everyone exclaims, “I want to opt out of the new changes.” Unfortunately folks, do we ever really have a choice when things change in our lives? You get dumped by your boyfriend or girlfriend, you get fired from your job, or your favorite TV show gets cancelled – bummer.

You can imagine my dismay when my favorite TV actors/actresses went on to star in movies or shows other than the one I’ve associated them with since the beginning of time. TV cancellations are like unexpected breakups – they catch you off guard and you can’t do anything to get it back. I feel as though I experience the 5 Stages of Grief after each cancellation:

1. Denial: “Nope, LOST isn’t ending. It’ll DEFINITELY be back for a 7th season. EVERYONE loves LOST.”

2. Anger: “LOST stole 6 years of my life and they didn’t even answer all my damn questions about the island!!”

3. Bargaining: “If I write to J.J. Abrams and tell him how much I love LOST, he’ll definitely produce a new season, right?”

4. Depression: “I need to go back to the island. I need to go back!!!”

5. Acceptance: … still hasn’t happened.

So this made me think, who are some of the actors I will forever associate with the characters they played regardless of any other role they play in the future. Change is hard people, and I have yet to accept the fact that all of these characters are gone for good.

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Chew on This: Jeopardy Contestant Asks, “What is a Threesome?” – VIDEO

Poor contestant Kara! Not only did she embarrass herself on a nationally-televised, Emmy-winning game show that regularly focuses on some of the brightest minds the world has to offer, but now we all know what she does in her spare time.

It’s gonna be one boring contestant interview, unless Alex brings along Drew Carey and some personal lubricant.

TMI?

See the awkwardness below.

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Am I Fat? – November 2011

Z knows one trick… and one only. Click below. Because seeing is believing!

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