Five reasons why this kid is the real deal:

1.) Knows to cross from table to stove without breaking face from camera.  Not an easy talent to foster.
2.) Just like every chef host currently employed at Food Network, starts every sentence of instruction with the maddeningly condescending, “What you wanna do is…”
3.) Recognizes when it’s okay to give herself some major kitchen props (“My chopping skills are REALLY good!”).
4.) Recruits her best fans to be her audience (Note how Betsy Wetsy is so riveted by the proceedings, she doesn’t even notice the full baba staring her in the face).
5.) Already has her own catch phrase – “Tune in too-mah-woh!”

It’s true that little Chef Chiara might need to work on withholding reaction when her producer instructs her to throw to commercial, but this is a minor detail sure to worked out before her first weekend marathon.  Enjoy the birth of a future superstar.  And remember what website gave her her first big break!

Can a man stand tall and proud when he’s hunching over to pull out baked stuffed mushrooms for him and his boyfriend to enjoy on a Sunday night while waiting to watch the one-hour premiere of Kirstie Alley’s Big Life? (I’ll leave out references to the powder blue oven mitt I got for Christmas). Two days later, I still am unsure of my answer to that question and would like to pass until the next round, Wink. I will say, however that there was not one bit of stuffed shroom left anywhere in my home within twenty minutes of turning down the oven and presenting them to a most-surprised and delighted MG. One might argue that it’s nearly impossible for anything to taste bad when slathered in a mixture of heated cream cheese, bacon, parmesan and Worcestershire sauce, but I would like to think that my ever-mounting kitchen skills had something to do with these coming out as awesome as they did.

I’m still not the biggest fan of the shroom, but the zesty aroma will make them hard to refuse. A definite must-bring to any pot-luck party. Just make sure your host has available oven space to cook them just before putting them out. (Geez, I sound like Martha Stewart! I’m tossing that powder blue oven mitt the minute I get home!)

Stuffed Mushrooms from Half Hour Meals

1 package of large white mushrooms (about 10)
8 oz. cream cheese
6 strips of bacon (cooked and crumbled)
1 tbsp. worcestershire sauce
2 tbsp. parmesan cheese (separated)
Preheat your oven to 400F. Wipe all your mushrooms off with a damp paper towel to remove all dirt. DON’T RINSE THEM or they’ll absorb all the water and blow up to something you could attach to a rope and parade down Central Park West on Thanksgiving morning.

Carefully pull out each stump so there is a hole in each mushroom to stuff. Discard the stumps. If one breaks off, you can use a spoon to scrape it out of the inside of the hole.

In a large bowl, add your cream cheese and stick in the microwave for 30 seconds to 1 minute to soften. Take your precooked, crumbled bacon and add to the cream cheese. Stir and add your Worcestershire sauce as well. Mix all ingredients vigorously until fully combined. Take a spoonful of the mixture and fill each mushroom cap. You can fill each cap pretty generously as long as it does not fall down the side of the mushroom.

Place your mushrooms, filling side up, in a greased baking pan. Place into the oven and cook for about 15-25 minutes, ovens will vary. The last 5 minutes pull the pan out of the oven and top with grated parmesan cheese. You can tell that they are done when the mushrooms are dark in color and slightly mushy to the touch. The filling should be slightly browned on top.

Remove from heat and allow to cool for a few minutes. The filling will be extremely hot! If you have any filling leftover, I recommend hanging on to is and using as as a bagel or sandwich spread. You will not be disappointed.

Here’s a simple twist on the recipe for crab puffs I posted a while back to accomodate those heathens who dislike crab. There were more of them out there then I originally realized – my mother and father being two of them – so out with the crustacea and in with a hot and zesty one-two punch of prosciutto and serrano pepper that’ll keep these babies flying into your mouth faster than you can keep count. And being as light and mouth-watering as they are, you won’t want to keep count.

Serrano is Spanish for “from the mountains.” The peppers were reportedly first cultivated in the mountain regions of Puebla and Hidalgo, Mexico. They are generally the hottest peppers commonly found in U.S. grocery stores, and are 5 to 10 times hotter than jalapenos. Their thin skin and meatiness makes pre-prep nearly non-existent. I simply mince a few up and toss them into everything – tacos, tuna salads, ground beef, chicken, sandwiches, eggs and pizza toppings. They’re bountiful and inexpensive, but if you’re not a fan of chile pepper heat, just omit them from the recipe. The prosciutto itself brings more than enough flavor to satisfy just about anyone.

• 1 cup water
• 6 tablespoons butter
• 1/8 teaspoon black pepper
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 5 eggs
• 3/4 finely chopped prosciutto or fully cooked ham
• 2 serrano peppers, minced
• 1/4 cup minced chives

In a large saucepan, bring the water, butter and pepper to a boil.  Add in the flour ALL AT ONCE and CONTINUE TO STIR until it begins to come together into a sticky substance with a “Play-Doh” consistency. Remove from the heat and let stand for about five minutes

Add eggs, one at a time, blending well after each addition.  Continue beating until the mixture becomes smooth and shiny.  Stir in the prosciutto, serrano peppers and chives. Mix thoroughly.

Lay out on greased baking sheets in heaping teaspoons.  Cook for approximately 19-22 minutes, but check frequently, and once they turn golden brown, remove them.  Let cool for about 5 minutes, then serve warm.  Refrigerate leftovers and re-heat at 350 for about 10 minutes  (though they go down almost as well cold, trust me).

Once you start showing off what you’ve managed to learn to make in the kitchen (say, on a blog for example), you have to take a certain level of responsiblity when friends and family start making certain food assumptions about what you’ll prepare for them when you invite them over. I became accutely aware of that fact earlier this week when my friend Travis asked what I was going to be serving at my weekly LOST viewing party and dinner:

Travis: “What are you making tonight, Gary?”
Me: “I’m making this amazing jalapeno popper mac and cheese.”
Travis:  “Cool… what else?”
Me:  “What do you mean what else?”
Travis:  “I mean… what else are you making to go with it?  And what, no dessert?”

I guess my days of gliding by with spaghetti and meatballs served on plastic plates I stole from my college dining commons are over, but I’ll happily leave that era in my past. MG often reminds me of my typical day’s food rundown from our first year or so of dating. I don’t recall, but apparently I lived exclusively on Hot Pockets, McDonalds and Tombstone frozen pizzas. I’m guessing MG is happy I’ve left those days behind as well.

On to the mad mac and cheese recipe I found over at Let’s Cook.

It’s not going to win any awards for keeping your arteries shiny and clear, and it may cause your eyes to spontaneously cross every few bites, but it is deadly satisfying in the way really bad Catholic sins are satisfying. And don’t worry about preparing anything else to go alongside it. Trust me, it is not necessary. This meal is covered in cheese, and since the cheese stands alone, this meal does as well.

Jalapeño Popper Mac and Cheese from Let’s Cook Adapted from Rachael Ray

• 16 ounces dry pasta (cavatappi was listed in the recipe, but I used mostaccioli – just make sure it’s hollow)
• 2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 3 jalapeño chiles, seeded, ribs removed and thinly sliced
• 2 serrano chiles, seeded, ribs removed and thinly sliced
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 1/2 cups milk
• 8 ounces cream cheese, sliced into cubes
• 2 tablespoons dried minced onion
• 8 ounces (about 2 cups) shredded Mexican-blend cheese

In a large pot of boiling, salted water, add pasta and cook according to package directions. Drain and place back into the pot off heat.

Meanwhile, in a medium saucepan, heat oil over medium. Stir in jalapeños, serranos and garlic – cook until tender, about 5 minutes. Add to the pot with the drained pasta.

Preheat the broiler.

In the same saucepan, add milk, cream cheese and onion – heat over medium-low, stirring, until very smooth, about 5 minutes. Pour in to the pot with the pasta and add the cheese – season with salt and fresh ground black pepper, tossing well to coat. Scoop mixture into a casserole dish coated with cooking spray. Place under the broiler and bake until lightly browned on top, about 3 to 5 minutes.

There’s some serious cheese going on here, folks.  You need to be warned… I mean truly warned.  Take a good look at the photo below and ask yourself, “Do I have the fortitude to take on this recipe?”  All of the cheese in the photo below was grated  and melted into a mere 12 ounces of penne rigate to create the finished product.  You’ve been told.

And it doesn’t stop there.  There’s also butter!  There’s also bacon!  There’s also the fat from the bacon! There’s also white flour.  There’s also fresh sage, parsley, oregano and rosemary.  Some of that counts as vegetables, right?

Am I leaving anything out.  Oh yeah!  I accidentally doubled the amount of butter required by the recipe.  Oops!  I swear, it was unintentional.  And guess what, it totally didn’t ruin the meal!  Who’d have thought it?

I started preparing this at about 8:00 in the evening.  I started eating it at about 9.  By about 10, I was speaking in tongues and levitating three feet off the floor

The recipe can be found at StephenCooks.com, so send your thank you cards and/or the pants you are about to no longer be able to fit into his direction, not mine.  I didn’t come up with this.  I merely used it on a lonely Wednesday night to fill a hole in my heart.  Cheese is really the best way to overcome such things, don’t you think?

So take a read below for how to get ‘er done, and then head to the store for the ingredients you’re missing, because if you have this much cheese just sitting around your house already, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be spending your time reading blog posts.

I will leave the cheeses Stephen used in the recipe below and let you know my substitutions next to them.

Herby Macaroni and Three Cheeses

Serves 6 – 8.

• 6 oz Taleggio cheese, shredded (I subbed in 6 oz of Boar’s Head Muenster)
• 6 oz sharp imported Provolone cheese, shredded (I subbed in 4 oz of Boar’s Head Horseradish Cheddar along with 4 oz. mozzarella)
• 4 oz Parmeggiano Reggiano, shredded
• 2 tbsp fresh sage, minced
• 3 tbsp fresh rosemary, minced
• 4 tbsp fresh parsley, minced
• 2 tbsp fresh oregano, minced
• 4 strips thick cut bacon (about 4 oz)
• 2 cups milk
• 2 tbsp butter
• 3 tbsp flour
• 2 tsp mustard powder
• 1 tsp salt
• 12 oz elbow macaroni or penne rigate
• hot sauce (I used Day of the Dead habanero)

Toss the shredded cheeses and add the herbs until well-mixed. Divide the mixture into two bowls, with approximately 10 ounces of the mixture in one bowl and the remainder in the other.

Cook the bacon.  Drain on paper towel and chop.

Warm the milk in a small saucepan.

Pour all but 2 tablespoons of the bacon fat from the sauté pan. Add the butter to the sauté pan and melt over medium-high heat. When the foaming subsides, scatter in the flour and cook, stirring constantly, about 3 minutes. If you really want to take it over the top, add the unused bacon fat into the warming milk and stir well.

Pour in the milk and cook, stirring, until the sauce is smooth and thick. Mix in the separated 10 ounces of cheese, one handful at a time, stirring t0 melt before adding the next handful.

Cook and stir until smooth. Add the salt and dry mustard and stir to mix.

Add hot sauce to taste and correct seasoning.I probably worked in about 1 half tablespoon total, but could have taken it a little further without it overpowering the finished flavor.

Cook the pasta just beyond al dente and drain. Add the chopped bacon to the cheese sauce and mix the sauce with the macaroni. Pour into a buttered casserole or baking dish. Scatter the remaining cheese/herb mixture over the macaroni and bake in a preheated 425º oven about 20-25 minutes (keep a good eye on it).

Finish the dish in the broiler for 2-3 minutes (again, keep a good eye on it).  When the top is your desired degree of browned and crispy, remove from the oven and let cool for approximately 5 minutes before serving.

Sticking around all afternoon while the aroma of phenomenally good Italian Barbeque Meatballs slowly creeps its way through your apartment in an invisible flavor fog is utter self-torture.

Damn good meatballs though.

The potatoes were a last-minute addition.  I discovered I had one russet in my cabinet, so I diced it up, coated it with olive oil and a little dry onion soup mix and baked covered at 350 for about 45 minutes.  The tanginess provided a nice contrast to the hickory sweetness of the meatballs, and it wasn’t long before MG and I had everything on our plates mixed together in two giantic savory smokey food mountains.

And of course, you can’t serve a meal like this without a healthy slice of fresh French bread to cover the soppin’ duties at the end.  Barbecue-flavored butter!  There’s nothing better.

Zesty Italian Barbecue Meatballs

Meatball Ingredients

• 2 pounds ground turkey, lamb or lean ground beef
• 1 medium yellow onion, finely chopped
• 1 cup dried bread crumbs
• 1/4 cup fresh Italian parsley, minced
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
• 2 eggs, beaten

Sauce Ingredients

• 1 1/2 cups barbecue sauce
• 3/4 tomato paste
• 1/2 cup ketchup
• 1/2 cup brown sugar, packed
• 1/2 cup water
• 1 teaspoon liquid smoke

In a mixing bowl, combine the meatball ingredients. Form into walnut-sized balls.

Bake the meatballs in a shallow baking dish at 350 degrees F for 20 minutes or until browned. Drain off any fat.  Transfer the meatballs to your slow cooker.

In a separate mixing bowl, combine the sauce ingredients and mix thoroughly.  Pour the sauce over the meatballs and stir lightly.

Cover and cook on Low for 4 hours (or on High for 2 hours). Stir once in the middle of cooking to baste the meatballs with sauce.  Remove the meatballs from the sauce and serve.

The King of Comfort Foods! Here’s how to make potato skins that put last year’s Super Bowl snacks to shame.

There’s a secret about how to make potato wedges no one ever tells you. Yes, cheese, sour cream, bacon and green onions don’t hurt, but the real secret to wham-bam, kick you in the face potato skins isn’t what you put in them… it’s what you put on them

Here’s what you need:

• 3 large potatoes, BAKED FIRST
• 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 1 tablespoon grated Parmesan cheese
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1/4 teaspoon paprika (“the happiest spice in the world!”)
• 1/8 teaspoon pepper
• 8 bacon strips, cooked and crumbled
• 2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 4 green onions, sliced

Cut potatoes in half lengthwise, scoop out the pulp leaving about 1/4 inch of potato on the skin for your shell. Place potato skins on a greased baking sheet. Combine the oil, Parmesan cheese, salt, garlic powder, paprika (“the greatest spice of them all!”) and pepper. Brush lovingly and generously over both sides of the skins, and then start thinking of the thank you letter you’re going to write me.

Bake at 475 degrees for about 7 minutes, or longer if you want them extra crispy. I went 14 minutes but I left a little more potato in the shell than the recipe requires. Sprinkle the bacon and the cheese on top, and let them cook for another 2-3 minutes. Top with sour cream and onions and serve immediately.

The recipe is supposed to serve 6.

Yeah, right.

MG and I obliterated these suckers in under 20 minutes.

Mild retardation goes widely undiagnosed amongst moderately attractive people. #Bachelor

Get Glue needs to offer a “No matter what anyone else says, I’ll keep watching this season of #Bachelor” sticker

Settling down with the bride to watch stupid women cry over some bloke they don’t know #bachelor @chrisbharrison #qualityentertainment

#Bachelor I’m already more attracted to Park City than any actual person on this show

#bachelor – again, these chicks are so crazy, they make Coupon Suzy look like good marriage material

#bachelor = chicks getting drunk and saying nasty things about each other. In the real world it’s called “girls night”

This mountain air is doing wonders for Ben’s greasy hair. #boringben #bachelor

“I think Ben will be happy when I say something to him.” – Someone who’s about to make a big mistake. #Bachelor

Is “fashion sales rep” the same as “annoying girl who forcibly sprays you with cologne when you’re walking through Macy’s to get to the food court?” #Bachelor

When the highlight of the date is “that’s a beaver dam,” it’s time to see what arrived from Netflix  #bachelor”

Rachel and Ben are perfectly matched – they’re both more boring than dirt #bachelor

I deserve a rose for sitting through that lame date and not changing the channel #bachelor

I’m watching a cough syrup commercial that has more sexual energy than Rachel and Ben #bachelor

Barney Rubble would make a better #Bachelor then Ben

All I know is that if they don’t pick up the pace here, I’m switching to Alcatraz at 9. A show about prison would beat #thebachelor.

Seriously, this better get better or I’m changing to something with midgets or fat people sweating #bachelor

Blakeley: “When Ben came across the river on a horse, he looked soo handsome.” Or, like a guy who’d never ridden a horse before. #Bachelor

Courtney, you’re kind of a sneaky betch but I like you. #Bachelor

Courtney is bringing #winning back. #notreally #bachelor

Courtney makes Charlie Sheen look balanced and well spoken #winning #thebachelor

tip to real people: Don’t say “winning,’ unless you’re still telling people you’re “livin la vida loca” Then I guess it’s ok – #bachelor

Ben if youre gonna teach the girls how to fly fish… You might wanna learn to fly fish yourself.. #bachelor

I never thought I’d miss those dirt cheap dates on top building in LA in the middle of the night #bachelor

what are those fishing things called they’re all wearing – the things that are blocking all their knockers from camera? I don’t like them @bachelor

this date makes me want to go fishing – like right now – instead of watching the rest of this epiosde #Bachelor

Just when you thought Courtney couldn’t be less likable. Now she smells like a fish. #Bachelor

Well, Courtney did catch a fish. But when she realized it wasn’t 90 proof and couldn’t further her modeling career she threw it back #bachelor

Courtney is giving an accurate name to Courtneys everywhere #bachelor

COURTNEY IS A FUCKING NUT #bachelor

Courtney has a weird mouth #ew #yourabitch #bachelor

what is wrong with that girl’s lip on #bachelor?

Now I don’t feel alone. Courtney has giant pores too… They even show up on tv #Bachelornation #Bachelor #TheBachelor

This chick looks like a burn victim with fetal alcohol syndrome #thebachelor

proof that women should keep their mouths shut about what they want = Samantha #bachelor

Samantha permanently looked like she’d just eaten a lemon by mistake – no loss #bachelor

DUDE SAMANTHA IS WASTED!!! #Bachelornation #Bachelor #TheBachelor

Wow, these girls are hammered. Tread lightly, Ben. #boringben #bachelor

OMG!! Samantha came off wayy to fast and desperate and that blew up soo bad #Bachelor

I feel like i’ve never seen this Samantha person before…… #Bachelor

This episode blows – the only redeeming quality is I’m getting a GetGlue sticker for watching it – #bachelor

So if #bachelor Ben picks Courtney and then watches what a bitch she is on the show, can he say “TAP TAP… Redo?”

I would rather dive head 1st, fully clothed, than wear a bikini an crotch harness to repel into a cavern. #Bachelor #thebachelor

One can only hope “@BradFollmer: This is going to end up with one of them sawing their arm off. #thebachelor”

how true RT @D_Cizzle01: @Glennia the #bachelor is so boring, I can’t even think of anything funny to tweet this season

I never thought I’d miss week after week of drunk chicks hyperventilating in the hot tub #whattup #bachelor

Did they cast this season’s #Bachelor by testing how quickly each girls personality can put you to sleep #TheBachelor #boredtotears

They need to start limiting the girls drinks, u see the drunk face thru the night & then look so confused putting words together #bachelor

Blakely: Hair stylist. VIP waitress. Actress. Shes a modern day Thomas Jefferson. #Bachelor

Ben: “I want the woman to be independent, but needing me and wanting me.” So, not independent then? #Bachelor

Is it possible to get B. Womack back on for the second half of the season? #Bachelor

I feel like the Bachelor is like Survivor, no one watches the previous seasons but goes on it and makes the same dumb mistakes #bachelor

If I already had a rose, you’d be hard pressed to talk me out of wearing my pajamas to a rose ceremony. #Bachelor

the highlight of the night was the shot of the beaver dam – #bachelor

“I who was lost and lonely… believing love was only… a bitter tragic joke, have found with you, the meaning of existence, oh my love”

“Corcovado” (known in English as “Quiet Nights of Quiet Stars”) was written by Anotnio Carlos Jobim and had been recorded in the early sixties by both Sergio Mendes and Miles Davis before becoming an international success when a version included on 1964′s landmark bossa nova album Gilberto/Getz , with lyrics by Gene Lees and vocals by Astrud Gilberto.  The Gilberto version is below.  Sinatra’s 1967 version from the bossa nova album Francis Albert Sinatra & Antonio Carlos Jobim  follows after the jump.

“Corcovado” is named after the mountain in central Rio with the imposing “Christ the Redeemer” statue situated on top.  Anyone up for a trip?  I’ve got the perfect music for the plane ride.

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Tv Food and Drink’s Central Nervous System has gone into the shop for graphics card repairs. We should be back at full power in time for the 1/23/12 episode of The Bachelor. Until then, please feel free to wander down memory lane with my top 10 articles of 2012 (so far), including Bachelor, Celebrity Apprentice, Dancing with the Stars, cookies, arsonists, hot dogs, pizza and Sarah Michelle Gellar’s visit to Alcoholics Anonymous!

1.) Bachelor 16-1 Recap: Winemaker Ben “Sloppylocks” Flajnik Seeks SWF to Help Squeeze His Grapes

2.) Nacho Dogs

3.) Celebrity Apprentice: Are you becoming more and more curious to see what Lil John looks like without those stupid glasses?

4.) Watching: Ringer: Pilot (The CW)

5.) Five Things I Learned From the Hollywood Arsonist OR “Cornmeal Thyme Cookies”

6.) Tv Food and Drink: Podcast #1 Featuring Sammy Davis Jr, Ann-Margret and Frank Sinatra

7.) Chipotle Chicken and Apple Pizza

8.) Dancing with the Stars: Nancy Grace Nipple Slip Twitter-Cap

9.) The Bachelor 15-5: Brad Womack and the Two We Know Are Gonna Be in the Finals

10.) Portobello Buffalo Burgers