2013 #AcademyAwards Red Carpet – Your Top Tweets #Oscars

“Viola Davis looks like a pile of whipped cream!  But Dole Whip.  She’s got a little tint to her, so

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The #Bachelor Sean Lowe Recap – January 28, 2013 (ABC) – Your Top Tweets

Time to watch some thirsty hoes! #bachelorlor So how about a gameshow, but instead of money, the prize is a

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“Stars in Danger: The High Dive” (FOX) – Your Top Tweets #StarsInDanger

I don’t understand this #starsindanger show. They are jumping off a high five. Do Highway Frogger then we’ll talk… #starsindanger The only thing that would make this better is if honey boo boo was tossed off the top… Waiting to see the show Child Stars In Danger where Casey Anthony babysits them for a weekend. #starsindanger… We’re this close to just throwing reality stars into battery acid for entertainment. #StarsInDanger

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The #Bachelor Sean Lowe Recap – January 7, 2013 (ABC)

It’s kinda messed up for ABC to be parading Sean’s studly physique across our television sets this soon after Christmas, don’t you think? No less than three weeks ago, I had about an inch of fruitcake under each of my fingernails and was fishing surprise gingerbread crumbs out of the folds in my pants. Michael kept asking me why I was wearing my super stretchy bedtime shorts around the house everyday and I casually replied, “Oh, I’m just being lazy,” when in fact they were the only thing I owned I could get around my waist that wouldn’t cut off the circulation to my brain.

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London 2012 Summer Olympics: Opening Ceremonies – Your Top Tweets

I forgot to get dessert for the #OpeningCeremonies. Luckily, I have peanut butter and baker’s chocolate. Let the games begin,

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The Bachelorette Recap: July 9, 2012 – Your Top Tweets – #Bachelorette

Watching average men swing for the fences. #Bachelorette #HRDerby

I hope my daughter grows up & finds love on the #Bachelorette said no one ever.

just stayed off fb/twitter for 3 hrs so I didn’t find out from E Coast who got sent home on #bachelorette only to have mom text it to me. #FUCK

Does anyone else think Emily is distracted by her own reflection in Sean’s forehead? #Bachelorette

#bachelorette Hasn’t emily noticed that Jef is the size of a Snickers bar yet?

Arie is the human version of Waldo. #bachelorette

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The Bachelorette Recap: July 2, 2012 – Your Top Tweets – #Bachelorette #Hometowns

I seriously cant believe Emily has narrowed it down to these 4 turds #Bachelorette

Sadly for time we had to cut out Emily’s visit to Chris Harrison’s hometown #Bachelorette

Like we can’t SEE that it’s the FINAL ROSE….when will they cut that out. #bachelorette

I get it now – Jef is teeny, thus the big hair. He thinks it makes him taller. #bachelorette

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The Bachelorette Recap: June 25, 2012 – Your Top Tweets – #Bachelorette

Did he really just say, “I wanna date you so hard and marry the shit out of you.” #TEAMJEF #bachelorette

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The Choice (FOX) – June 21, 2012: Your Top Tweets – #TheChoice

I just accidentally watched #ThChoice on FOX…excuse me while I go eat batteries.

Watching #TheChoice and trying to figure out how to get my chair to turn around away from the television

What I would say if I were on #TheChoice: “I’m ugly, obese, and I hate men.”

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MEGASTUNTS: Highwire Over Niagara Falls – Nik Wallenda – LIVE (ABC) – Your Top Tweets

The only people who watch primetime network television on a Friday are the incarcerated and those who Tweet. #walkthewire

the world largest yolo moment is going on in Ontario. #walkthewire

My mom is taking pictures of the guy who is #WalkTheWire but we are not there in person but at home. Mom took pictures of the TV #killme

#walkThewire – at least if he falls on the Canadian side, he’ll die with health insurance!

Watching #walkthewire. Am I a bad person to hope for something bad to happen?

This guy must dominate DUI tests #walkthewire

Praying for a flock of geese to run into this guy walking on the wire #walkthewire

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