Pervert Juan Pablo Galavis: “The Bachelor” Recap: January 6, 2014 – #Bachelor


It was worth sitting through two hours of The Bachelor tonight just to see that one red headed girl walk up to accept her rose at the end, only to realize too late Juan Pablo hadn’t said her name.

Poor Kylie the Interior Designer. She thought she got a rose on The Bachelor and made a big fool of herself. Then, she was made to go back and stand on her spot again and smile through the rest of the Rose Ceremony. And after all that, she STILL didn’t get a rose! I felt so badly for her. Horrendously embarrassed in front of everyone, and then when there was a slim chance her luck might turn around… BLAMO!!! More Humiliation!

Poor, poor Kylie. She is truly the “Ziggy” of Bachelorettes.

And hey… did anyone else notice this weird shot they held way too long while introducing Andi, the Attorney from Georgia?   She was going on and on about how meaningful the law was to her, and all I could think was: “Wow, that public defender really wants to bang her!” Am I the only one seeing this?  READ MORE –>

The Bachelor: Countdown to Pervert #JuanPablo Galavis – January 5, 2014 – #Bachelor

Was anyone else disappointed that tonight wasn’t the actual first episode of The Bachelor, but rather some sort of drawn-out Bachelor preview entitled, “Countdown to Juan Pablo”?  A countdown to Juan Pablo is about as necessary as a countdown to the McRib.  But I guess ABC knows I’ll sit through just about anything they put into my television set, even that show with the British aliens who live next door to Jami Gertz.

So what exactly did we learn about this season’s love-chasers tonight?  Nothing much.  The hour was mostly comprised of assorted women throwing their arms in the air and squealing “Juan Pablo!” in that same embarrassing way my grandma squeals when she gets a BINGO.

There was also an uncomfortable tribute to Gia, but I don’t want to talk about that.

Oh yeah, in case you had money on it one way or the other, Chris Harrison is still on the show.

I kid Chris Harrison.  He walked into a dream gig.  And he’s probably a nice guy.  But after, what, 18 seasons of spelling out the serpentine-like intricacies that make up the “rules” of this show, can’t they just insert shots of him from previous seasons?  We really don’t need him to continue spelling out for us what might happen when you shove 25 girls into a house with a hot Venezuelan soccer player and giant rugs from Aladdin. He’s just eating up valuable time I could be watching slim people making out in blue, heated water.  Plus they dress Chris like a Baskin Robbins store manager.  The only thing missing is a hat with “31” in big puffy letters on his head.  Someone really should say something. READ MORE –>

The Bachelor/Bachelorette – “We Remember Those Lost in Seasons Past” Gallery

As Bachelorette fan-favorite and pervert Juan Pablo Galavis prepares to dive into ABC’s reality romance pool Sunday night (a two-parter continuing on Monday), we at TV Food and Drink would like to take a moment to pay tribute to all the brave seekers who’ve fallen in seasons past.  Because of their public humiliations, true love endures.

What would the Bachelor franchise have been without Britt the Food Writer, who stood there and did nothing for half the season before getting tossed of a yacht in the middle of Episode Six?  And remember Blockehad Ryan who took so long to get the clue he was getting dumped by Emily Maynard the show actually had to go to commercial and come back so he could continue reading his “Perfect Woman” list? READ MORE –>

Binge-Watching “The Walking Dead” Season One (#TheWalkingDead)

I’m four seasons late to The Walking Dead party, but I’m using my Christmas hiatus to catch up before it resumes with new episodes February 9th on AMC.

I’m nearly certain I watched the first few episodes when they originally aired, but as I couldn’t recall anything about them, I went ahead and started from Episode One, “Days Gone By.”  I ended up consuming the entire first season in a single night.

As I’m not one who goes in for excessive violence, even if it is perpetrated on walking bodies of human rot lumbering around looking to feast on the limbs of the living, I turned out to be a little squeamish. That being said, you might enjoy #TheWalkingDead video below. READ MORE –>

Watching: Scandal – “A Door Marked Exit” – Your Top Tweets – #ScandalThursday #Gladiators #YourTopTweets

It’s #ScandalThursday – Twitter goes into ALL CAPS!

“Cyrus… I have committed a sin.” #ScandalABC aaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!!!

D’oh! The Christian nut job VP just killed Steven Carrington #2!  Alexis will NOT be happy! #ScandalFinale #Dynasty

Poor Steven Carrington – First Sammie Jo, and now this. #ScandalFinale

Now both the President and the Vice President are murderers! Way to unify the ticket!  #ScandalFinale

Sally… in the study… with the letter opener. #Scandal

Hey boys, good news!  SALLY’S ON THE MARKET AGAIN! :) #ScandalThursday

If every straight woman-gay man marriage in DC ended this way there’d be nothing left there but fountains. #Gladiators #ScandalFinale #AskScandal

MORE TWEETS–>

Watching “The Sound of Music – LIVE” – Your Top Tweets – #TheSoundOfMusicLive

 

I’m so glad Carrie Underwood won #idol or that would have been Bo Bice playing Maria #TheSoundOfMusicLive

I’m just going to apologize now for my excessive tweeting during #TheSoundOfMusicLive. Now get over it. #sorrynotsorry

Hey West Coast, it gets worse. Also, Nazis.

Every time Captain von Trapp whistles, our German Shepherd looks at the tv #TheSoundOfMusicLive @nbc

So which one of these kids is going to flub first? #TheSoundOfMusicLive

It always gets me how Austria has a navy. #landlocked #TheSoundOfMusicLive

The real reason the Nazis lost was because they couldn’t find a family of 9 behind a potted plant #TheSoundOfMusicLive

Hope they rewrite #TheSoundOfMusicLive songs for today’s audience. Like “Do Re Mi Tho” and “Sixteen And Pregnant Going On MTV.” (Needs work)

Did no one just see Carrie trip down the hill? Those hills really are alive – watch out Carrie!

Stick around for the end of #TheSoundOfMusicLive to see which of the Von Trapp kids Nick Fury will recruit into The Avengers.

“Pretty sure these are One Life to Live sets.” – me #TheSoundOfMusicLive

It’s unclear what hashtag we’re using here. #SoundofMusicLIVE #TheSoundofMusicLIVE #SOML

Seriously, guys, what’s the hashtag we’re going with tonight? #SOML #SoundofMusic #TheSoundOfMusicLive #SoundOfMusicLive

Brigitta needs to be smacked in the face. #TheSoundOfMusicLive

I wish I could get my boyfriend to answer to a whislte. #TheSoundofMusicLive

Prediction: Julie Andrews is openly weeping and Christopher Plummer is drinking heavily because of #TheSoundOfMusicLive. Or vice versa.

At least they didn’t screw up Frederick. He was hot in the movie, he’s hot in this. Yeah, I don’t care that I’m 43. #TheSoundOfMusicLive

8:33. Throwing in the towel. Can’t do it. #TheSoundOfMusicLive

So far this is the gloomiest musical ever. And we haven’t even got to the Nazis yet. #TheSoundOfMusicLive

Can they auto-tune live or is that something added in later? #TheSoundOfMusicLive

Brigitta is a know it all. #TheSoundofMusicLive

At Tonight’s Performance, the Part of Maria Will Be Played by 

SIRI 

#TheSoundofMusicLive

I’m under the couch, praying none of these kids trip down the Stairs Of Freaking Doom. #TheSoundOfMusicLive

Just quoting the lines from “Do Re Mi” and posting it does not an interesting tweet make #TheSoundOfMusicLive #JustStopIt

I’m having some problems with this production, but my cat seems to be enjoying it. #TheSoundOfMusicLive.

Walmart just informed me they’ll be selling a sing-a-long cd of #TheSoundOfMusicLive. I know what we’re all thinking… they still make cds?

I hope Julie Andrews went to bed early tonight. Yikes. #TheSoundOfMusicLive

In the twitter TV Hate-A-Thon it’s #TheSoundOfMusicLive vs. #LizAndDick Game On!

You’d think as much as NBC hyped #TheSoundOfMusicLive they would’ve spent the money to make it not look like a Days of Our Lives episode.

Woo-hoo – a Rolf UPGRADE! Cause the one in the movie was a 6 at best. #TheSoundOfMusicLive

Rolf, we say this with love: That outfit is not your friend. #TheSoundofMusicLive #SOML #SoundofMusic

What would happen if you played Dark Side Of The Moon simultaneously with #TheSoundOfMusicLive?

Yikes nice short pants Rolf #TheSoundOfMusicLive

READ MORE –>

Big Brother Eviction – August 22, 2013 – Your Top Tweets #BB15


If anyone came into my den right now, they’d see me glued to the set watching people whispering about things I don’t understand… on dirty sheets. #BB15

I seriously can’t understand anything Judd says – it’s like Charlie Brown’s teacher is one of the houseguests this season. #BB15

I didn’t realize Helen was 37. How can she be on this earth that long and be suuuuchhhhh a sucker! #bb15

If Andy’s neck zit gets any bigger it’s going to have to be recognized as a new house mate and be allowed to compete in challenges. #bb15

Can we finally address the fact that Andy dresses like a toddler? #bb15

#Elissa is trending worldwide! #BB15

Amanda’s not a bully because she’s honest. She’s a bully because she’s a bitch. #BB15

Every time I watch the opening of #bb15 I’m just reminded that once upon a time, there were cute guys in this house of flat faces.

In this entire season, I didn’t notice Judd had a back tattoo, and yet I know what Spencer’s dick looks like. WTF BB15? #bb15 READ MORE –>

The #Bachelorette Desiree Hartsock FINALE – Your #TopTweets: August 5, 2013



If there is a God in heaven, there won’t be a poem.

LOL What is “Bachelorette Nation!” u ask? It’s 43 divorcees with overly-processed hair and bad necklaces. #Bachelorette

Three-hour #Bachelorette  finale tonight? OH GOD NO… THE TWEETS

Nothing makes me loathe twitter more than #bachelor / #bachelorette finale nights.

These people are all circus geeks.  #Bachelorette

Des should try dating on Craigslist #Bachelorette

Blah… blah…  journey…#Bachelorette

Once again, ABC wins and I lose. #Bachelorette #ratings

This #Bachelorette finale is ridiculous. “Next, we talk to some homeless people under a bridge and see if THEY think Des finds love.”

des looks like she’s about to get her first colonoscopy. #Bachelorette

*opens Twitter*
*scroll* #Bachelorette
*scroll* #SharkWeek
*closes Twitter*
#nothingtoseehere

Click here for MORE of your Bachelorette Finale Top Tweets

The #Bachelorette Desiree Hartsock Recap/Your #TopTweets: July 29, 2013

Time for man tears and location ideas for my next vacation #bachelorette

drinking game rule No. 1: Swig every time someone says “journey” #Bachelorette

That moment when someone offers to do you a favor & you say, “Can you wait til 9 so I don’t miss the #Bachelorette?

Plot twist: the two final guys fall in love, and she’s left all alone. #bachelorette

Watching the #Bachelorette turns me off of love, and turns me on to faking love for attention and money

Drew runs like a cheerleader, hugs like a cheerleader, says “amazing!” like a cheerleader.  Drew is a cheerleader  #Bachelorette

Walking through town, dancing around in circles, eating street food.  They got the cheap date #Bachelorette

Antigua. Cue fake “locals” making music. #Bachelorette

shouldn’t there be less white people #Bachelorette #TheyFilledTheSceneWithTheInterns

Girls on #Twitter proclaiming they’re #TeamDrew can’t see the gay forest for the homosexual trees. Sorry to break it2u. #Bachelorette

How is he supposed to get down on one knee when he’s used to getting down on two? #bachelorette #hopelessromantic #AndDrewisgay

Drew’s sincere?  He’s going to be really sincere when he tells you that he’s a power bottom. #desaster #bachelorette

I bet Drew just lays at the end of the bed like a puppy.. #bachelorette #fantasysuite

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