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Somedays, life is easy… things go your way… birds land on your shoulder and chrip a tranquil tune. Other days, you’re stuck in the control room for an extra twenty minutes attempting to produce the GSN Live promo from hell!
Hello watchers, eaters and drinkers. I’ve missed you these past few days as I’ve entered a mild period of cooking fatigue. New recipes are not currently being given the spin in my kitchen, losing favor to old stand-bys and… well yes I’ll admit it, a few delivered pizzas. A surprise 80th birthday for my dad on Saturday, followed by MG’s birthday celebration the next day led to lots of good eats, but none made by me.
Thank God we all still have Dancing with the Stars to sink our collective teeth into on Monday and Tuesday nights. I’m digging the show this season, though I still miss the drama that could have been if only Shannen Doherty were still around. But I’m willing to set that aside. After all, it’s MOVIE NIGHT! That means the “cheese-per-minute” ratio is higher tonight than on any other Dancing with the Stars episode of the season!
First up, it’s Niecy Nash & Louis Van Amstel doing the Jive to “La Bamba” and finally, finally, finally…Neicy has decided to ditch the somber heartstring-pulling in exchange for some sexy shimmy, a dayglo tequila sunrise frill-frock, and… is that… a smile, Niecy?
I’m still not wild about Niecy or her so-so dancing, and I don’t like that she fell back on touting her “jiggly parts” once again to get out the big girl vote. Save it for Dance Your Ass Off, Niecy. THIS IS NETWORK TELEVISION.
But most of all, I don’t like how Louis seemed to be irritated with Niecy for pointing out his slip-up on the floor in the post-interview after he had just pointed it out himself in front of the judges. She was trying to thank him for copping to it and not letting her take the blame. Did anyone else think he came off like a jerk?
The judges weren’t overwhelmed, but were at least complimentary, and I loved Len’s line: “there was plenty of bounce in your bazookas!”
SCORE: 18
Well, my DWTS mojo has not been the best so far this season. My apologies if anyone put money down on Shannen Doherty or Buzz Aldrin to survive to week four based on my assessments.
You can send me a bill for your losses, but you can hardly blame me.
I thought for sure both Shannen and Buzz would have survived longer than the bland Aiden Turner, the desperate Jake Pavelka, and Kate Gosselin unleashing her interpretive I Am Sam dance style across the ballroom floor, didn’t you?
Yet of the nine teams left standing on the show, some of the dullest movers and shakers are still alive and well. This week, it was the rumba and the tango, plus… look out! It’s “double-score showdown” week, which means the teams received two separate scores – one for technique and one for performance. Which of the celebrities seems most likely to use this splitting of scores to their advantage? Who can make up for lack of precision with sexy too-hot-to-stop dance floor hijinks? Say it together with me…. Pamela Anderson.
Erin Andrews & Maksim Chmerkovskiy led the way with the first tango of the night. Maks is worried about the stress the rehearsals are putting on Erin’s back. The doctor is called in to add false tension and sputter words like “contusion” (translation… a bruise) and “muscle spasm” (translation… a cramp). Erin is definitely a spitfire in head-to-toe red, and the judges were relatively kind, but Erin is suffering from having a partner a thousand times more charismatic and interesting to watch. Erin looks like she’s just trying to keep up.
PERFORMANCE SCORE: 21
TECHNIQUE SCORE: 18
TOTAL: 39 out of 60
Evan Lysacek and Anna Trebunskaya – What Even lacks in enthusiasm, he sure makes up for in focus. He started strong and really seemed confident from beginning to end. This is the first week I’ve actually found him interesting. Evan earned praise from Len for his Viennese crosses and even an instant replay for those of us who had no idea what the hell a Viennese cross is. Sadly, during his post-performance interview, Even returned to being about as lively as a donut hole.
PERFORMANCE SCORE: 26
TECHNIQUE SCORE: 26
TOTAL: 52 out of 60
MG says, “Yay! it’s time for Brothers and Liars and Sisters and Liars and Liars and Liars and Liars!”
And the winner of biggest liar of the night… Sally Field’s Nora Walker, who takes the “Most Gargantuan Lie” Award along with the “Longest Enduring Lie.” Award… 25 years! Wow. Way to go, Nora! Of course, it makes sense that if you raise a brood full of sneaky lying deceptive kids, you’d have to be the sneakiest, most deceptive liar of them all.
And the big secret we’ve all been waiting to learn?
Off the top of tonight’s show, Tom Bergeron and Brooke Burke celebrated last week’s DWTS being the most watched show in America.
Yep. Dancing is hauling in more viewers than American Idol. But Dancing doesn’t actually receive the cred it deserves in the media, because, you see, Dancing skews older than Idol, so its numbers aren’t as valued, or so it goes.
That’s particularly unfair this year. Because in the few measly weeks Dancing has been on the air, it has already eclipsed Idol in terms of entertainment value and legitimate tension.
If a choice needed to be made, I’d be firmly in the Dancing camp this season. I can’t find a single interesting element on American Idol outside of Crystal Bowersox. And it’s painfully obvious that the judges sway praise from one sub-talent to another week after week to create some bullshit stakes that aren’t really there, and to make a case that there’s anyone outside of Bowersox who even deserves a place on the stage this season.
By contrast, Dancing has seen some fine drama right out of the box. The viewers were the ones who threw divas Shannen Doherty and Pam Anderson into the bottom two last week.
The producers could not have been too happy about having to lose one of its three headline-grabbing queens (along with Kate Gosselin) in its very first week, but they embraced it.
There was no “we can save you” card that could be played by the judges to ensure more drama down the line.
The show seems to be ready to make due with whomever they end up with from week to week. I applaud that.
The “Judges Save” option on Idol is complete crap. If, after weeks and weeks of scouring the country for the best young talent, you can’t end up with twelve competitors who deserve a “save” the minute America votes them off, then why have it? Out of thousands of auditioners, we’re talking about TWELVE singers. They should all be knock-out unbelievably good.
I don’t mind the Idol manipulation. Not at all. That’s television. I do mind the complete transparency of it. You have to at least be clever about your manipulation. If you’re not, you’ll lose about half your audience, and a dancing show on ABC will start spanking you in the ratings.
But back to Dancing. This week it was “story night.” Each dance had to tell a story through its dance, without relying on props or gimmicks.
And yes, there was plenty of transparency here as well.
Evan Lysacek and Anna Trebunskaya – Someone needs to coach Evan on how not to seem like he’s reading off cue cards during the “casual” interview portion recorded during rehearsals. Seriously, he sounds like he’s trying to sound out the big words in a nursery rhyme.
Evan and Anna’s Quick Step was pretty good. Evan’s pantomime “acting” was a little rough though, didn’t you think? “Look at me… I’m upset. Where is my woman? I can’t find her annnnyyyyywhereeee!” Arms thrown up in the air, begging a “wonk wonk!” sound effect.
Cut to Florence Henderson clapping in the audience.
Cut to George Lopez clapping in the audience.
Why? I don’t know. Cutting to random famous people in the audience is just a thing they do on this show.
Judges liked. I liked. Evan had kind words for Anna’s tutelage. Everyone likes to see a team come together. SCORE: 26
The big mystery box that’s been on our stage for the entire month of March (its true contents and its winner will be announced tomorrow) made a very special impact on host Bob Guiney on today’s GSN Live.
Do you have a cast-iron bathtub? You better hope you do. It could be the difference between life and death if a bullet-inscribing, abandoned carousel-tampering serial killer ever decides to blow up your apartment. Yes, Detective Kate Beckett survived the blast that engulfed her home in the schmuck-baiting finale of last-night’s Castle two-parter, which seems to have doubled in size more to accommodate special guest star Dana Delany than for actually having a story to tell worthy of two parts. If Part One was all about setting up the stakes, Part Two was all about not living up to them. More contrived dialogue, less action, cheap sentiment, a limp conclusion, and worst of all, no cameos by The Incrdible Hulk
By the way, I saw a commercial for Castle earlier in the day and I think it’s only fair to tell you…. He’s armed! She’s dangerous!
Got it? Then let’s move on.
Even though Tom Bergeron declared over and over again that that this season’s competitors really “upped their game” this week, I sure as hell saw no evidence of it. Tonight’s episode suffered from a serious lack of ambition. I can dress up like a greaser, twirl in circles and wave my hands around too! But no one gives me a big disco ball trophy. Generally, people just openly mock me and ask me if I need my insulin.
The highlight of tonight’s show was Facebook messaging with my sister during the whole show. If you don’t have anything nice to say, come hang out with the Green family! Plus… we have gin fizzes every Easter.
Sister’s comments are included below, and while I don’t think she’d mind my using her name, I’ll refrain until I get something in writing.
Shannen Doherty and Mark Ballas – I guess I’m in the minority but I’ve always liked Shannen Doherty. It could be because I’ve never actually had to work with her. Apparently, that’s where the problems arise. And not to diminish the fact that her father has been ill, but I did roll my eyes last week when she claimed she decided to do the show for her dad. There’s only one reason anyone does this show: exposure.
Shannen and Mark executed a couple of low kicks and swung their fingers around in the air like they were chaperones at a 50’s-themed high school birthday party. At the end of the performance, she broke from Mark and went over to give her dad a hug. I love my dad, too, and it’s clear Shannen’s dad is getting a real thrill watching his daughter work so hard and then performng live every week. If I was gonna cast votes, I’d definitely throw some Shannen’s way. SCORE: 20
Sister says: “I’m not a fan.”
No Brothers and Sisters last night on ABC. Instead, I was treated to the first half of a very special two-part edition of the mystery/romantic comedy Castle, which I had yet to check out. Apparently, the numbers for the show have been slowly creeping upwards in its regular Monday night slot (and will no doubt be aided even more now that Dancing with the Stars has returned as its lead-in), and ABC is pushing it like crazy. So I decided to give it a shot
Rick Castle (Nathan Fillion) is a famous good-looking mystery writer who’s shadowing the also good-looking-but-plays-it-down-because-she’s-ever-so-serious Detective Kate Beckett (Stana Katic). Castle is planning to create a series of mystery books based on Beckett. Somehow, this premise is more than enough to grant Castle full access to murder scenes, evidence and weapons. Oh, and by the way… He’s cocky and inappropriate… She’s hard-boiled and by the book… in case you were wondering why you should even bother.
High point of the Oscars last night wasn’t Kathryn Bigelow, or Sandra Bullock, or Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin sharing a slanket, or even the parade of the dead, of which I am usually quite fond. No, the only thing that’s still ringing through my head today is the fantastic Modern Family ad that ran during the broadcast. Sofia Vergara makes me fall out of my chair. And have you seen her on talk shows? Not since Charo, I tell you.
Even without an appearance by old-time sheriff Manny, it’s still a riot. Modern Family has an amazing cast top to bottom. Easily, the best new network comedy on the air.
My name is Gary Green. I am a writer and television producer living in Los Angeles, California.
I have been cooking with a serious desire to learn since fall of 2009. My goal is to make up for all the years of my adult life I spent eating meals that could be microwaved, pulled out of a paper box or delivered to my door in cardboard.
My emphasis is constantly changing... soups, gourmet burgers, chicken, dips, desserts. I am especially fond of the jalapeno pepper and use it in everything I can.
My kitchen is slowly piling up with new gadgets and utensils, and one goal is to learn how to make anything and everything without the majority of them.
Please enjoy my site and feel free to look around. I welcome recommendations, suggestions, tips, pictures, and questions always. If you'd like to contact me or suggest a new link for my blog roll, you can e-mail me at TvFoodAndDrink@gmail.com.
I look forward to hearing from you.
