Five Things the Characters on “Ringer” and The CW Need to Remember if They Want Us To Keep Watching
Episode 1-04 / Originally Aired 10/4/11
We know that even with the smartest of television shows, it’s only a matter of time before at least one story line is completely bungled. We’ve all witnessed it. Characters get written into a box that the writers can’t get them out of and suddenly….Boom! AMNESIA! Or maybe … Boom! FIVE YEARS LATER! Or God forbid… Atomic Boom! IT WAS ALL A DREAM!
Writers are only human, after all. And who hasn’t hit a creative wall at least once in their life while a deadline loomed? And often times, a show really can pick up the pieces from a mess of a plotline and regain its former glory.
But when a fumble like that happens only four episodes in to the run of a series, you’ve really got to question whether the people involved had any idea what they were gonna do if their show went past the pilot episode.
I’m still rooting for you, Ringer. I’ve been watching you since Day One. I like my night time soaps mixed with a little corporate shenanigans and foreign intrigue, and you seem to have all the elements necessary to become water cooler conversation.
And yet… I faintly remember reading a film review by Roger Ebert, where he said something along the lines of: “In order for me to believe the story, at minimum the characters on screen must be at least as smart as the stupidest real person I’ve ever met.”
So it’s with great hopefulness that I present the five major storytelling rules broken on last night’s episode. And out of kindness to the stupidest real people I’ve ever met, I’ll lay blame squarely at the feet of the fictional characters in the show.
Rule #1: Never discuss your biggest secret with the door behind you wide open.
Even maniacal super-villains who reveal their detailed evil plans for world domination to James Bond right before they completely fail at killing him and allow him to escape and return to foil their plans — even THEY would have the sense to at least close the door behind them before discussing the fact that they impregnated another woman while their own wife is around to possibly overhear.
Yet, here we have Henry, so frustratingly stupid at keeping his affair with Siobhan a secret even the producers of Cheaters wouldn’t know what to do with him.
Yep, Henry babbled his undying devotion to Bridget-as-Siobhan (Sarah Michelle Gellar) and then insisted that he was the father of her unborn baby, and neither one of them had enough sense to hold up the “hang on a sec” finger and tippy-toe over to close the door, the way real people do when discussing the truth about Santa or what they’re dressing up as for Halloween.
And sure enough, that was Henry’s wife Gemma hanging out on the other side of the door, soaking up the complete, heartbreaking story. What did Henry and Siobahn expect? When fifty percent of the dinner party suddenly goes missing, odds are unless there’s a deck of UNO cards around, the other fifty percent are gonna get up and go look for them.