Season of the Cookie: Raisin Pecan Oatmeal Cookies

Fall is fast approaching. Those of us here in Hollywood are breaking out the sweaters and leather jackets in anxious preparation for the two weeks of the year it’s actually cool enough to wear them. The scorcher days of August have given way to September cloud cover and occasional showers, which means soon my car will be clean again.

Autumn is definitely my favorite time of the year. I approve of the setting of clocks back and nights getting darker earlier.  It keeps me home more often and gets me into the kitchen more regularly.  The cooler evening weather also ups my cookie-making quotient considerably.  I’ve got a few hundred recipes tucked away thanks to cookbooks, family members, and recipes I’ve been introduced to from my friends from the blogosphere, most especially Smitten Kitchen and Lake Lure Cottage Kitchen.

In fact, it’s from the fantastic Penny at Lake Lure that I discovered these amazing raisin pecan oatmeal cookies.  Sweet and chewy with just the right amount of pecan snap, they’re a can’t-miss receipe, even for new bakers.

So let’s all say goodbye to summer here in the goold old Northern hemisphere.  Toss those drink umbrellas, tiki cups and hurricane glasses into the cellar and break out the electric mixers, ceramic bowls and the extra stash of dental floss.  Cookie season has begun here at Tv Food and!

Continue reading “Season of the Cookie: Raisin Pecan Oatmeal Cookies” »

Season of the Cookie: Cream Cheese Walnut Cookies (How to Make “Halloween Brains”)

Butter continues to be the primary ingredient in most of the latest creations that have sprung to life in my rinky-dinky Holly Hobbie kitchen. Papered in the image of an Indian maiden holding a butter box (Land O’ Lakes), salted or unsalted (my brief research into the subject indicates that either can be used in a recipe that demands one or the other – any argument?), I have not been able to keep enough on hand to prevent me from stopping at the Rock and Roll Ralphs on Sunset every other day to replenish my supply. But even I consider it a bit much when a recipe calls for FOUR FULL STICKS of the stuff.

Happily, I didn’t let that stop me from making this recipe. These babies will SET YOU FREE!

Continue reading “Season of the Cookie: Cream Cheese Walnut Cookies (How to Make “Halloween Brains”)” »

Rocky Road Cookies (Part of the “Keep Your Man Employed” Series)

Chocolate chips, walnuts, pecans and marshmallows melted together with a rich, dark, decadent bittersweet chocolate-infused batter.

The plan was to keep MG gainfully employed forever by regularly flooding his workplace with homemade cookies. But now I fear my delicately-constructed scheme may collapse before my very eyes.

MG is home sick!

(By the way, I wanted to take a picture of MG in bed looking like hell this morning and post it here for you all to see, but he threatened to lick my iPhone top to bottom if I did.)

It’s frustrating when the person you love is sick. There’s only so much you can do, and most of the time the invalid in question would rather be left alone anyway. Nevertheless, I fulfilled my obligations as healthy boyfriend. I performed all the required acts…. the “concerned sad frown,” the “shoulder pet,” and the “Florence Nightingale bedside sit.”

Then I got to the part I really love… the “Sick Person Supermarket Sweep!” Of course, you grab everything your loved one requests, but then you add a couple of fun surprises to maintain their spirits and keep their minds challenged. These items must be under ten dollars and totally useless to anyone with a fever of less than 100. If you’re a kid, that means mom or dad brings you home bubbles, kazoos, playing cards or paddleballs. For MG, I picked up a book I knew would keep him engrossed for the entire afternoon… Hot for Fireman!

Katie Dane knows better than to mix business and pleasure, but her new bartender, Ryan Blake, is simply irresistible.

Ryan, the sexy heartbreaker of Station One, is determined to rejoin the force. Tending bar in the meantime seems like the perfect idea, especially when it means he can spend his nights working next to his sultry new boss . .  if only the bar didn’t keep catching fire!

Throw in a grizzled career criminal,  a Fireman bachelorette party, and a million-dollar money pot, and suddenly playing with fire never seemed so much like falling in love.

MG’s face didn’t convey the level of gratitude and pride you might expect from a person just presented a book entitled Hot for Fireman!  But I’m sure that’s just the sickness talking.  If he’s still sick tomorrow, I’m going to bring him all my Knots Landing DVDs and is he’s still sick the day after that I’m going to bring the VHS tape I bought off E-bay featuring every single Erica Kane wedding from All My Children.

If that doesn’t get his ass back to work, I don’t know what will.

Rocky Road Cookie Recipe – Click Here!

Browned Butter Sugar Cookies (Part of the “Keep Your Man Employed” Series)

When telemarketers call my home in the middle of the day and cheerfully ask, “Hi!  May I speak to Mister or Misses Green?” I usually shout back woefully, “Misses Green has been dead for eight days now.  Who are you… and why do you keep doing this to me?”

After a momentary gap of dread, the telemarketer begins desperately apologizing in clumsy stammers and half-sentences, and when I feel like they’ve suffered enough I interrupt them by saying, “You sound hot.  What do you like in the bedroom?”  Before they can recover, I hang up on them.

The tingling afterglow I experience from indulging in little weekday funsies like this has convinced me that I could be a stay-at-home husband for the rest of my life and never be bored.  Why did I spend so many years convincing myself that the keys to a fulfilled life were challenging my creative limits and building myself a robust career outside of the home, when it’s just as rewarding to watch Franklin and Bash all day in my bathrobe while I’m drinking iced mochas and painting my nails?

Continue reading “Browned Butter Sugar Cookies (Part of the “Keep Your Man Employed” Series)” »

Cornmeal Thyme Cookies (Part of the “Keep Your Man Employed” Series and the “Pictures of Paralyzed Chihuahuas” Series)

When Michael sent me this picture earlier today from the Robot Chicken animation studios, I texted him immediately and asked if this guy was going to mind having his face on my website.  Michael responded: “Oh, no.  Kevin is an attention whore.  He’d LOVE to be on your site!”  And so for Kevin the attention whore, the road to fame and notoriety begins here today at

Michael tells me a lot of stories about the characters he works with, but I rarely see these people in person.  I may meet them at a wrap party or a Christmas party, but months will pass in between, and I’ll inevitably forget which face belongs to which name.  It’s a character flaw, but it isn’t limited to Michael’s co-workers.  I can’t even keep track of my remote control.  The other day I found it on top the cat box out on the balcony.

So when Michael texted me last week, simply saying, “Olive is here!” boy did I feel the pressure.  I knew he was waiting for an appropriate response, but I hadn’t a clue who “Olive” was.  The few of Michael’s co-workers I have managed to burn into my sickly memory banks I’ve done so by associating with things I’ve learned about them or moments I’ve shared with them:  “Joy who’s getting married,” “Tommy who lives downtown,” “Trish who used to work at Starbucks,” “Jeanette who I got drunk with,” “Dan who has the blog,” “Sarah who I made hot dogs for that one time.”

But who the hell was Olive?

I decided to roll the dice.  It was clear Olive didn’t work with MG or he wouldn’t have felt the need to celebrate her appearance.  Instead, I figured it had to be a loved one associated with someone at work – the kind who is occasionally brought into the office for a special guest appearance, to be coddled and adored over while work goes completely ignored for twenty to thirty minutes.

So I texted Michael back, “Oh… Olive!  Is that the baby… or the paralyzed chihuahua?”

I figured I might be able to trick Michael into thinking I at least almost knew who Olive was by narrowing it down to two possible options.

But I was wrong on both counts.

Olive is a pug… a pug with four fully functioning legs.  Boyfriend points denied.

If we’re out together and someone Michael recognizes waves at us and begins an approach, I quickly lean in and whisper, “Do I know them?” and Michael either assures me I don’t, or gives me a lightning fast bio so I don’t make an fool of myself, just like Emily Blunt did for Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada.  “That’s Rick.  We met him at Comic-Con.  He lives in the hills.  He does calligraphy.”

And for that, but not that alone, I will always be grateful to Michael.  And I will always make him cookies to share with his co-workers. Even Kevin the attention whore.

By the way… I wasn’t making up the paralyzed chihuahua.  You can see a picture below. You ought to watch the way that baby can get around on those back wheels, coasting and swerving through all the legs at Robot Chicken and snapping up every dropped cheese puff in sight!

I can’t decide who I like the most… paralyzed chihuahua, Olive the pug, or Kevin the attention whore.  But one thing is certain. Now that they’re all on my website, I’ll forever have a short-cut to remembering which is which.

Click Here for Recipe for Cornmeal Thyme Cookies from Martha Stewart

Oatmeal Chocolate Truffle Cookies OR How to Keep Your Man Employed

The husband went back to work this week as animator for the new season of Cartoon Network’s Robot Chicken. Why are they lucky to have him? Well, he took my decadent oatmeal chocolate truffle cookies to work to share with the entire production staff.  That’s reason number one.  And he will continue to take my cookies to work to share as long as my oven works and they’re smart enough to keep him on the payroll.   That’s reason number two.

He’s also a pretty phenomenal animator.  That’s reason number three. I might be willing to bump that up to reason number two, but he’ll have to feature my likeness in more of his work before that happens. My effigy hasn’t made a cameo in almost five years!(that’s me in the driver’s seat of the car during Georgie’s Wish below).  Recipe follows after the jump:

Click here for my recipe for Oatmeal Chocolate Truffle Cookies

Oatmeal Toffee Crunch Cookies and Daylight Savings TIme

Hey there! Are you going to remember to set your clocks forward an hour tonight? It’s crucial you don’t forget.

We need to all do this together. That way, tomorrow morning we’ll all look equally tired and washed out from being deprived that whole hour of sleep. It’s not fair if some of us look more attractive and desirable than others. That’s why the federal government initiated daylight savings time, you know.  Outward mutual sickliness brings a society together.

If we all look equally disgusting and troll-like tomorrow, we’ll be able to release some of the resentment we hold for the beautiful people God put on this planet to be more successful and popular than we are… lookers like Johnny Depp and Charlize Theron.   They could go a full month without sleep and if you ran into them in public, they’d still look refreshed and eager to make us believe they’re ready to have sex with us right on the spot. I know this for a fact because I once ran into Jon Hamm at Gelsons and he definitely looked ready to throw me down right there in front of the Gorton’s fish fillets. But I had to hurry home because Cake Boss was starting.

Click here for the Oatmeal Toffee Crunch Cookies Recipe!

Five Things I Learned From the Hollywood Arsonist OR “Cornmeal Thyme Cookies”

Don’t be fooled by the two ingredients in the name, these babies cook up with a sweet, buttery flavor and just a hint of cornbread goodness. This is the perfect cookie to ween you off the daily sugar showers you took through the month of December.

Last weekend, a crazed arsonist terrorized the streets of Hollywood, igniting over 50 fires all over town in the span of three nights, and causing over 2 million dollars in damage.

Here are five things I learned from the experience, followed by a recipe for cookies.

1.) I probably am not the person to contact in case of emergency, especially if I don’t know you.

MG called me at 4 in the morning last Saturday to tell me he’d woken to the sounds of his neighbors screaming “Fire!” He looked out his bedroom window and saw the carport of the apartment building next to him engulfed in flames.

“Okay, what do you want me to do?” I asked — not in a snotty way, but because I actually did not know what I was supposed to do!  Thankfully, he didn’t know what I was supposed to do either.  Then there was about five seconds of awkward silence, like when you run out of pieces for your new IKEA credenza but there’s still a page and a half of assembly instructions left to go.  Finally, I managed to come up with, “You need to get out of there!”  Boy, the Red Cross really needs to put me on the payroll, don’t they?  My split-second thinking would be an asset to any life-threatening crisis.  Did MG actually need to hear this from me?  Was he sitting there thinking, “Aw really?  I was planning to just go back to bed.  The fire is like twenty feet away, and if I can’t jump twenty feet, will a fire really be able to?”

Despite what the stickers on the elevator wall ask of me, I do not stay calm in a crisis.  When I first heard the phone ring, I immediately panicked, the way one does when they hear the words, “I think we should run additional tests,” or “Now we’re going to go around and all say something interesting about ourselves.”    Before I even picked up the phone I had the thought, “Please please please don’t be a number I recognize,” because at least then I’d be off the hook.  If someone I actually know is calling me in the middle of the night, it’s probably going to require a level of cool-headedness I’ve never had to muster before.  No one ever calls you in the middle of the night with good news.  Even if your sister went into the delivery room and instead of giving birth to one baby, as the doctor had predicted, she gave birth to nine babies and a Cuisinart hand blender, everyone knows you wait until sunrise to spread the good word and invite people to omelettes.

If someone I don’t know is calling me at 4 am, while it’s true they may be in the process of getting mugged, going down in a plane, or choking on a chicken bone, what’s also true is that thankfully, it’s not my problem.  That’s why you should always make sure you’re dialing a phone correctly, especially if it’s the middle of the night and your life is in jeopardy. Grandma may hop into her Yugo and speed over to your house with a pamphlet on the Heimlich Maneuver, but once I get my six pillows into their proper sleepy-time configuration, if you call me by mistake, you’re pretty much fucked.

Continue reading “Five Things I Learned From the Hollywood Arsonist OR “Cornmeal Thyme Cookies”” »