Dinner is Served! September 30, 2013

Turkey and Pork Sliders with Mozzarella and Habanero Jack Cheese, “1950s Cafeteria”-Inspired Filter Courtesy of Instagram

The government may be shut down, but food bloggers endure!

Please enjoy some of my favorites:

Zucchini Galette from Lake Lure Cottage Kitchen

Chocolate Stout Waffles with Chocolate-Peanut Butter Syrup from Eats Well With Others

Smoked Salmon with Cucumbers from My Carolina Kitchen

Coconut Buttermilk Pound Cake from Bake or Break

Sweet Corn Casserole from Gonna Want Seconds

Classic Pumpkin Pie from Living the Gourmet

Orange and Bourbon Brined Turkey on the Grill from Nibble Me This

Spaghetti and Meatballs with Mushroom and Chard from Thyme for Cooking

Raspberry Curd Tart from Exploits of a Food Nut

Honey Broiled Pears from A Cake Bakes in Brooklyn

My Game with Discover Card

The lady at Discover Card said, “Okay, in order for me to send you a replacement card I need to ask you a series of multiple choice questions. I got very excited and said, “Oh! I’m great at this. Let me go get comfortable!”

I plopped down on the couch and said, “Okay, go!”

She said, “Here is your question. Which of these streets in Beverly Hills did you once live on? Is it… A…”

Before she could read the possible answers, I yelled out, “Rexford! Rexford Drive!”

After a momentary pause, she went, “Ding ding ding ding ding!”

So now Discover Card will now get all my business. It’s that simple with me.

Mother’s Day Video: #ExtraordinaryMom Battles the Over-Frozen Ice Cream Pie – Only One Can Win! (VIDEO)

Mother's Day Videos, Mother's Day video funny, Mom fights over-frozen ice cream pie

In honor of Mother’s Day 2012, I present to you my favorite funny mom video of all time.  And yes, it features my own mother, Gloria. (a close second would be when I got to electrocute her on national television).
It’s quite rare that a frozen dessert treat gets one over on my mom, but this ice cream pie had a little something extra Gloria didn’t count on.  And so the fight begins.

In the end, as you might have expected, mother reigns supreme.  Did you expect anything less from Gloria Green?  No one in my family did.

Happy Mother’s Day, Gloria!

Watch Mom take down the over-frozen ice cream pie below in one of the funniest Mother’s Day videos you’ll ever see.

Watch: #ExtraordinaryMom Battles the Over-Frozen Ice Cream Pie

The Today Show – Kid Genius Really Has to Poop (VIDEO)

Pity 3 year-old Mensa genius, Emmelyn Roettger. She can read well beyond her age level, she can name all the planets in the solar system, not only can she can say the word “metamorphosis,” but she actually knows what it means… and still, no one listens to her when she has to poop.

In this clip from The Today Show, try as she may, poor little Emmelyn just can’t get anyone to point her towards the nearest ladies room, mason jar or available bucket. Instead, she’s more or less completely dismissed as her parents go on and on to Natalie Morales about how advanced she is. They certainly would have looked like dolts if their brilliant little toddler had ended up blubbering on top a mountain of her own feces. I wonder if little Emmie knows how to say “anorectal abrasion.”

Check out the video below:

Click here to watch: The Today Show: Kid Genius Really Has to Poop

The Kitchen is Broken! The Top 10 Tv Food and Drink for 2012

Tv Food and Drink’s Central Nervous System has gone into the shop for graphics card repairs. We should be back at full power in time for the 1/23/12 episode of The Bachelor. Until then, please feel free to wander down memory lane with my top 10 articles of 2012 (so far), including Bachelor, Celebrity Apprentice, Dancing with the Stars, cookies, arsonists, hot dogs, pizza and Sarah Michelle Gellar’s visit to Alcoholics Anonymous!

1.) Bachelor 16-1 Recap: Winemaker Ben “Sloppylocks” Flajnik Seeks SWF to Help Squeeze His Grapes

2.) Nacho Dogs

3.) Celebrity Apprentice: Are you becoming more and more curious to see what Lil John looks like without those stupid glasses?

Ringer Sarah Michelle Gellar The CW4.) Watching: Ringer: Pilot (The CW)

5.) Five Things I Learned From the Hollywood Arsonist OR “Cornmeal Thyme Cookies”

6.) Tv Food and Drink: Podcast #1 Featuring Sammy Davis Jr, Ann-Margret and Frank Sinatra

7.) Chipotle Chicken and Apple Pizza

Nancy Grace Nipple Slip Wardrobe Malfunction Dancing with the Stars8.) Dancing with the Stars: Nancy Grace Nipple Slip Twitter-Cap

9.) The Bachelor 15-5: Brad Womack and the Two We Know Are Gonna Be in the Finals

10.) Portobello Buffalo Burgers

Five Things I Learned From the Hollywood Arsonist OR “Cornmeal Thyme Cookies”

Don’t be fooled by the two ingredients in the name, these babies cook up with a sweet, buttery flavor and just a hint of cornbread goodness. This is the perfect cookie to ween you off the daily sugar showers you took through the month of December.

Last weekend, a crazed arsonist terrorized the streets of Hollywood, igniting over 50 fires all over town in the span of three nights, and causing over 2 million dollars in damage.

Here are five things I learned from the experience, followed by a recipe for cookies.

1.) I probably am not the person to contact in case of emergency, especially if I don’t know you.

MG called me at 4 in the morning last Saturday to tell me he’d woken to the sounds of his neighbors screaming “Fire!” He looked out his bedroom window and saw the carport of the apartment building next to him engulfed in flames.

“Okay, what do you want me to do?” I asked — not in a snotty way, but because I actually did not know what I was supposed to do!  Thankfully, he didn’t know what I was supposed to do either.  Then there was about five seconds of awkward silence, like when you run out of pieces for your new IKEA credenza but there’s still a page and a half of assembly instructions left to go.  Finally, I managed to come up with, “You need to get out of there!”  Boy, the Red Cross really needs to put me on the payroll, don’t they?  My split-second thinking would be an asset to any life-threatening crisis.  Did MG actually need to hear this from me?  Was he sitting there thinking, “Aw really?  I was planning to just go back to bed.  The fire is like twenty feet away, and if I can’t jump twenty feet, will a fire really be able to?”

Despite what the stickers on the elevator wall ask of me, I do not stay calm in a crisis.  When I first heard the phone ring, I immediately panicked, the way one does when they hear the words, “I think we should run additional tests,” or “Now we’re going to go around and all say something interesting about ourselves.”    Before I even picked up the phone I had the thought, “Please please please don’t be a number I recognize,” because at least then I’d be off the hook.  If someone I actually know is calling me in the middle of the night, it’s probably going to require a level of cool-headedness I’ve never had to muster before.  No one ever calls you in the middle of the night with good news.  Even if your sister went into the delivery room and instead of giving birth to one baby, as the doctor had predicted, she gave birth to nine babies and a Cuisinart hand blender, everyone knows you wait until sunrise to spread the good word and invite people to omelettes.

If someone I don’t know is calling me at 4 am, while it’s true they may be in the process of getting mugged, going down in a plane, or choking on a chicken bone, what’s also true is that thankfully, it’s not my problem.  That’s why you should always make sure you’re dialing a phone correctly, especially if it’s the middle of the night and your life is in jeopardy. Grandma may hop into her Yugo and speed over to your house with a pamphlet on the Heimlich Maneuver, but once I get my six pillows into their proper sleepy-time configuration, if you call me by mistake, you’re pretty much fucked.

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Chew on This: Jeopardy Contestant Asks, “What is a Threesome?” – VIDEO

Poor contestant Kara! Not only did she embarrass herself on a nationally-televised, Emmy-winning game show that regularly focuses on some of the brightest minds the world has to offer, but now we all know what she does in her spare time.

It’s gonna be one boring contestant interview, unless Alex brings along Drew Carey and some personal lubricant.


See the awkwardness below.

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