The Bachelorette Recap: May 30, 2011 (5 of 5)

I have to admit that when I saw that Mickey was a chef, I immediately thought of a breakfast I had once at Disney’s Grand Floridian Resort. Do you think he gets that a lot?

And how about Ashley’s exuberant “Mickeyyyyyyy!” when she first saw him coming down the escalator for their date? I sorta tuned out of the show at this point and started indulging in my biggest Magic Kingdom fantasies: a Space Mountain with no line, finding a way to bust my Autopia car off the track and tear down Main Street, jumping off the Jungle Cruise and exchanging my life for a feral existence amongst the animatronic hyenas.

My attentions were definitely wavering, and it didn’t help that Mickey and Ashley’s date was so god-awful boring. He won the date via coin toss (J.P. was the loser) – a passable TV device… if used sparingly. Unfortunately, the theme persisted throughout the date. Everything was determined by the toss of the stupid coin. I get the wine or you get the wine. Red wine or white wine. I carry you or you ride piggyback. You tell me the last time you cried or I tell you. Top it off with the third dead relative story of the night, and you can see why this date was buried so far into the episode.  We’re basically sprinting for the Rose Ceremony.

Both one-on-one dates Lovable Loser William and Chef Mickey walked out of the episode with roses on their lapels, along with Masked Man Jeff and Bentley the Weasel, who if we’re to believe the scenes from next week, is going to bail out on the show entirely with a surprise visit to Ashley and the delivery of my new favorite line of the television year: “I’m gonna make her cry.  I hope my hair looks good.”

Taking the long walk of shame out of The Girl Dentist’s Life forever this week were Mama’s Boy Matt…

…Matthew Fox-wannabe Stephen…

and “Ask Me About My Gay Hair” Ryan.

And what’s to come in the weeks ahead?  Will Widower Wes get his turn at bat?  Are we nearing the end of Bentley’s wimpy reign of indifference?  Will William discover a new career marketing these new-fangled plastic bags I keep hearing about that actually zip closed?

I know I said I’d stop mocking William, but I had one more joke in me. I wasn’t sure if I was gonna use it or not, until I flipped a coin.