Ellen’s celeb selfie crashed #Twitter. This is what happens when gays are allowed to marry. #Oscars
Tweeting pics of yourself at the Elton John party DURING the #Oscars just tells everyone you aren’t big enough to get invited TO the Oscars
Everyone is so unfunny and grim on Twitter tonight, then I realized I was on the 12 Years a Slave feed. #oscar #oscars2014
Oh dear. Tyson Beckford is not one for chit chat. Maybe don’t make him a red carpet correspondent. #Oscars2014
The glitz! The glamour! The chicks who can’t walk in heels! It’s the #Oscars2014
No matter how famous and successful he gets, I will never EVER be certain I’m spelling McConnaughey correctly #Oscars2014
Someone get the hook. Tyson Beckford snuck out in front of the camera again. #Oscars2014 #notgivingup
Is Tyson Beckford auditioning for a Zoolander sequel? #Oscars
Is Tyson Beckford auditioning for a part on “Almost Human”? #Oscars2014
As the women try to keep their hair dry, McConnaughey is just trying to keep his weed dry. #Oscars2014 #oscar
Judging by the outfit, not only is Ellen hosting but I think someone’s gonna get the keys to the chocolate factory at night’s end. #oscars
Why is Ellen dressed like Pinocchio? #oscars
Keep it short Anne Hathaway. We’re still on the fence about u. #oscars
And the #Oscar goes to… JESUS! #Oscars
Jared Leto has rad hair, an Oscar and knows McConaughey. Meanwhile I have dark facial spots, a Jesus candle and my mailman calls me “weird guy” #Oscars
My boyfriend has requested I stop making him ask me who I’m wearing (FYI it’s a Mickey Mouse sweatshirt). #Oscar
Ya’ll… Harrison Ford missed rehearsal #oscars
Yep lets give Channing Tatum the really hard foreign names to say, because he’s the smartest! #oscars
If ur gonna make me watch Channing Tatum say “Zana Abdul Nanno” he should at least be in a bikini brief. #oscars
It was not fair for Matthew McConnaughey to get Kim Novak stoned just before they went on stage. #oscars
Does anyone know if Kim Novak has a cigarette? #oscars
The way Kim Novak has no idea what “Magic Mike” actually is but goes on praising it. That’s acting, kids. #oscars
Breathy chick and acoustic guitar. Everyone go pee quick. #oscars #oscar
Go away indie girl singer no one likes you. #oscars
I give this chick singer’s performance three “Jada Pinkett Smith eye rolls.” #oscars
I asked bf when Bradley Cooper became “not hot” and he yelled out, “Serious actor! Don’t have to do that anymore!” #oscars #oscar
Why does the second winner of the documentary always insist on talking over the music? We barely cared what the 1st guy had to say #oscars
#oscar producers, “thanks chick who just sang her acceptance speech. Now we have to clear yet another song!”
I am here to say that none of these foreign language films have EVER connected me to the human conscience. Viola Davis is a liar. #oscar
11 Oscar wins and that Italian guy still can’t speak English. #foreignfilm #oscars
11 #Oscars for Italy? This makes up for its poor showing at the #WinterOlympics #Oscars2014
Somewhere between the first 30 mins of the #Oscars and the last 30 minutes, a bunch of foreigners and costume designers in daffy clothes take over my tv.
So happy The Edge wore his fancy knit cap for the #Oscars instead of his not fancy ones.
And the #Oscar for never being nominated for an Oscar goes to…Tyler Perry.
Even when Charlize Theron fucks up royally it’s still charming. I’m going to kill myself now. #oscars
“Where would we be without sound editors?” said all sound editors, with a lot of reverb so they sound super-impressive. #oscars
We interrupt #Twitter so everyone on earth can re-tweet the Ellen Celebrity #Oscar selfie. #Oscars2014
Ironic that @Pink is singing “Over the Rainbow” and the rainbow does not include “Pink” #Oscar #Oscars
Great night for movie makers and talented actors at the #Oscars. The Hollywood plastic surgeons, however, have some serious explaining to do.
There have been no surprises so far. I am within about three miles of the Kodak Theatre. Should I go over there and streak? #Oscars
It’s time for “Bring out the dead!” #Oscars
“For those represented here (the stars) and those in our hearts (the gaffers), we salute you!” “BringOutTheDead #Oscars
Hey they muted the microphones on applause. How’m I supposed to know which dead person is most important? #Oscars
At least they didn’t bring out Bette Midler to sing “Wind Beneath My Wings.” A real dodged bullet! #Oscars #BringOutTheDead
I believe Goldie Hawn has been employing the same hairdresser since the Nixon administration. #oscar #Oscars2014
We got a new #EGOT in the house! Congratulations boy songwriter who’s name I’ll never know, despite EGOT status! #Oscars
The song winners are doing a rhyming bit at the microphone. Then they did sort of an “its ok to be gay” thing. Weird. #Oscars
This #Oscar telecast is gonna run long, which sucks. Because it’s dull.
It’s the screenwriting awards, cuz there’s typewriters on stage. Ya get it? #Oscars
shouldn’t there be a shelf full of Final Draft software boxes? #Screenwriting #Oscar
I’m never more aware of my hemorrhoids than when I’m watching an #Oscar telecast.
Which visual effects team was in charge of John Travoltas hair line? #Oscars
As Daniel Day-Lewis ages, he’ll just slowly merge into Mount Rushmore. #Oscars
Quick! Everyone un-follow Ronan Farrow cuz it’s about to get ugly. #Oscars
Did she just say “hashtag suck it”?! #HashtagSuckIt #SuckIt #feministbookstoresayswhat #Oscars #portlandia #feminism
“Young Colonel Sanders” brings home the Best Actor Oscar (oh come on, listen to the accent, look at the tux) #Oscars
Maybe next year, Leo. Or, you know, never. #TheOscarsHateYou #Oscars2014
STAGE DIRECTION: “Leo screams on the inside.” #Oscars
I have no idea what this man is saying. They should put Woody Harrelson up there with him. #Oscars
Get ready for Matthew McConaughey’s signature move of making us uncomfortable. #Oscars
#longwinded much Matthew?…tellin’ stories & ish…#Oscars
Oh, Matt. I need you to speed this up. Unless you’re gonna strip and gyrate. #oscars
I’m not 100% sure, but I think Matthew McConaughey stood on his head until I bought a used car from him.
They let Will Smith announce Best Pic? It’s Hollywood’s way of saying, “You’re forgiven” #Oscars2014
“Hoory for Hollywood!” said Hollywood, and no one else because they passed out from boredom before Best Documentary was announced.
I was 3.5 hours a slave to this show #Oscars
The Walking Dead is on against the #Oscars. There’s a Twitter crack in there somewhere. On other advertisement checkout Athens, Alabama Car Accident Lawyer.