Damn you #WinterOlympics – Everyone is so bundled I can’t tell who’s a scruffy hot guy and who’s a lesbian!
I wonder if Sarah Palin is watching the #OpeningCeremony from her backyard #Russia #WinterOlympics
Will live-tweeting about an event that ended 8 hours ago punch a hole in the space-time continuum? #WinterOlympics #OpeningCeremony
If 007 doesn’t parachute out a plane with Putin, these ceremonies are a bust. #WinterOlympics #ParadeOfNations
If it weren’t for the #WinterOlympics and the #SuperBowI, kids wouldn’t know what Roman numerals were!
If they put Putin on that old game show “Make Me Laugh” he’d hella clean up! #WinterOlypmics
Every Olympics sneaks in one fake country. This year it’s “NillaWafer!”
Russia wins gold in pounding vodka #WinterOlympics
All the (male) American Olympians look like the bad guys in high school underdog movies. #WinterOlympics #Biff #Chet
Do those little dancing marshmallows have to hop around through the entire parade of nations? #WinterOlympics
Argentina has no snow. They just came for international sex. #WinterOlympics
Well Ireland looks a little drab, but luckily they brought Judy Jetson with them to jazz it up. #WinterOlympics
I’ll forgive Russia for their intolerance if they forgive us for the endless Jimmy Fallon commercials. #WinterOlympics
“Great Britain is believed to be the birthplace of curling… but we can’t be sure cuz none of them will cop to it” Matt Lauer #WinterOlympics
We are red, we are white, we are Danish dy-no-mite #WinterOlympics
Only in the #WinterOlympics can you be 43 years old and qualify for an event. Congrats, one dude from Venezuela!
Oh dear… Germany looks like a tribe of marching everlasting gobstoppers #WinterOlympics
The guy announcing the countries sounds like the guy who announces the performances on #DancingWithTheStars #WinterOlympics
There are more people on my sofa than there are athletes representing Zimbabwe. #WinterOlympics
All my life, the #WinterOlympics have been closely linked with pizza. This is but one small reason why I have yet to qualify for an event.
My favorite tweet tonight about the opening ceremonies: “It’s crazy how people live all over the world!” #WinterOlympics
If you’re a Winter Olympian, you can compete in like 13 #WinterOlympics in a row and win gold in all of ’em
#WinterOlympics tweets aren’t as funny as #Bachelorette tweets
Those dancing marshmallow people look like they’re starting to run outta steam. #WinterOlympics
Matt Lauer’s commentary is not great. Next time let’s let Siri do it. #WinterOlympics
I feel so lame… these athletes work so hard and I’m debating whether or not to get off the couch and buy tickets to the #LegoMovie #WinterOlympics
Only during the opening ceremonies would your feed include the tweet, “OMG Poland is sooooo adorable!” #WinterOlympics
Oh USA those sweaters… It’s like someone raided the Palin closet #WinterOlympics
That USA sweater is gonna be a hot fashion item, and then it will be tomorrow. #WinterOlympics
Yipers someone tell USA that ugly sweater parties are only for Christmas time. #WinterOlympics
Hey I didn’t know Team USA had their sweaters designed by my nana. #WinterOlympics
#WinterOlympics US wins the first gold in the new ugly sweater competition. #WinterOlympics
What the fuck are we wearing? We suck. #WinterOlympics
Is Djibouti in the #WinterOlympics. I want to make a “shake shake shake my Djibouti” joke
Watching foreigners go ape shit over their country is like watching grandma go on and on about a soap opera you don’t watch #WinterOlympics
the official Olympic Twitter feed just favorited one of my tweets, which is odd because it was making fun of Djibouti #WinterOlympics
One of the little marshmallow dancers just died. #WinterOlympics
My bf just asked “who’s winning?” but don’t listen to him. When #Bachelor is on he asks “when does he say You’re fired! #WinterOlympics
Seriously, #WinterOlympics, some of your events… “Sloppy Joe Eating” “Synchronized Sneezing” and “Plinko!” really need to be retired.
Help me get #NBCCommentatorsShutTheFuckUp to trend And maybe we’ll have some quiet by the #ClosingCeremonies #WinterOlympics #ItsADream
Geez we’re only up to the 20th century? These opening ceremonies are longer than #TheSoundOfMusicLive #WinterOlympics
This portion of the Opening Ceremonies is brought to you by Ronald Reagan’s worst nightmare. #WinterOlympics
And now our next period in Russian history celebrates the rise of the mail order bride! #WinterOlympics
GAYEST. OPENING. CEREMONY. EVER. #WinterOlympics #Sochi
Cue Olivia Newton John onto the ice in three…two…one… #WinterOlympics meets #Xanadu
Welcome to Day 11 of the Sochi #WinterOlympics… the Opening Ceremonies are just about to come to a close. My God the pageantry!