There’s only two weeks to go before Dancing with the Stars crowns its latest winner in what has been one of the most competitive seasons ever, if you don’t count Melissa and Maks.
Tuesday is a double elimination, which means that one couple who doesn’t yet deserve it will unfortunately get the boot, and so will Melissa and Maks.
Tonight DWTS also debuted the first-ever “Trio Round.” Here’s how it works: each couple picks an eliminated pro or a member of the troupe to join them and show off the star to the best of their ability. Two professionals instead of one to help the star look decent? I can’t imagine which team this parlor trick was thrown in for. Can you?
Donald Driver and Peta Murgatroyd – Dance #1 The Tango – I have not been a big fan of the Troupe-promoted Peta Murgatroyd so far this season for no other reason than I’m reaching an age where I suspect anyone younger than me of getting ready to stab me in the back and take all that is mine after I’ve spent so many years clawing my way up to the lower middle.
Especially someone named Peta… or Kiki.
But I gotta give it to her – she looked deadly hot tonight in that wicked leathery stretchy outfit you’d only ever see an actual person wearing on Dancing with the Stars or RuPaul’s Drag Race.
Carrie Ann said she was looking for a little more drama.
Len: “Ding dong, Donald! A first round knockout!”
Bruno: “I thought I was gonna have to call a marriage counselor. Talk about agression, disdain and power!”
Trio Dance – Donald and Peta were joined by the reigning DWTS pro, Karina for a three-way jive. Donald expressed concerns about keeping up with the ambitious choreography. The worry seems to have been all for naught. He looked even sexier and more comfortable dancing with two chicks than with one. Just like I always do.
SCORE: 28/30 – TOTAL FOR THE NIGHT 55/60, though the audience clearly felt Donald and his ladies deserved a 30. I happen to agree.
Maria Menounos and Derek Hough – Dance #1 Vienese Waltz – Maria and Derek earned the first perfect score of the season, but I don’t know of anyone who’s actually rooting for them to win. Maria’s competent enough as a dancer, but she fails to pop in the personality department. As for Derek, he’s got enough mirror ball trophies at home to build his own moon buggy. Of course, that didn’t stop him from asking his mother to take in his britches a little bit more in the crotch to keep the ladies dialing for him. Does this guy have to pour himself into his pants?
Carrie Ann: “It was like angels singing as you danced.”
Len: “Five bars or six bars in hold wasn’t good enough. You disappointed me.”
Bruno: “Heavenly fluidity!”
Trio Dance – Derek and Maria chose Henry from The Troupe. They all compared abs. Henry’s abs make Derek look like the Pillsbury Doughboy. That means they both make me look like Orson Welles.
Derek decided to go for a Bollywood theme with the trio’s Samba. With that Bollywood disaster from Smash a few weeks back still lingering on my soft palate, I wasn’t expecting to like it as much as I do. But it turned out to be something of a real crowd pleaser! Take a look at the video below
Carrie Ann and Bruno praised the showcasing, but pointed out a few extra steps here and there. Len dressed them down completely for ignoring everything necessary to include in a samba to actually make it a samba.
But Derek’s no dummy. He’s going for a show-stopper to keep his lady in the running. And it’ll work too. Len’s the only one on this show who cares about following the rules.
SCORE: 25/30 – TOTAL FOR THE NIGHT 53/60.
Melissa Gilbert and Maksim Chmerkovskiy – Dance #1 Foxtrot – Melissa announces that she’s amazed the home viewers have kept her in the competition as long as they have. Question: How many of you are voting for the Melissa half of “Melissa and Maks”?
Ugh… Maks starts the dance by pantomiming around like a dorky school nerd. Why do they do this? I hate pantomiming. Don’t they read my website?
Bruno: “The presentation was the best you’ve done up to date.”
Len: “You lost it a little bit, but good dancing.”
Carrie Ann: “That was your best dance…. EVER! Unfortunately at the beginning there were just a few mess-ups.”
Trio Dance – Melissa really did bring it for the trio dance, an Argentine tango with the brothers Chmerkovskiy. And with these two on either side of her, she’d have gotten drummed out of the female gender entirely if she hadn’t.
SCORE: 27/30 – TOTAL FOR THE NIGHT 51/60
Katherine Jenkins and Mark Ballas – Dance #1 Vienese Waltz – Apparently when Mark thinks “Vienese Waltz,” he also thinks “Newsies cap!” Katherine looked dressed up for an Easter Egg hunt at the Royal Palace. Mark looked like he was ready to come by and unplug your chimney.
The Dynamic Duo fumbled here and there, cutting into their “grace” points. They may win this thing, but they’re never gonna get that 30.
Len: “This had plenty of content. The only thing I didn’t like was the part you had trouble with. But the rest of it I thought was terrific.”
Bruno: “Your technique is superb. You just had a sudden moment that lost it.”
Carrie Ann: “You lost your balance. You weren’t on your footing and it really took you out of it.”
SCORE: 26/30 – Shady scores. Entering Melissa Gilbert territory.
Trio Dance – It’s a Cha Cha with Tistan MacManus. Well, come on, it’s Bond themed. You know how I’m gonna feel about it. I called Katherine out as Bond girl in waiting weeks agin. And she did half the dance with one of her breakaway pant legs stuck on her shoe. Come on!!
SCORE: 29/30 – TOTAL FOR THE NIGHT 55/60
Roshon Fegan and Chelsie Hightower – Dance #1 Foxtrot – Yep, Roshon is still on this show, despite ending up in, and surviving, the dreaded “Dance Duel” two times in a row, which I think tells you all you need to know about how successful the “Dance Duel” has been this season.
Roshon played the “Grandma card” this week, which is wise because I think the only other demographic besides grandmothers who’d like to vote for Roshon have a 7:30 bedtime.
Roshon started off with some goofy pantomiming as well. Look! He’s a shy boy with chocolates and a bow tie! I bet grandmas across the country are just falling all over each other to get to those phones. And maybe the ghost of Dobie Gillis.
Then there was that cornball music, like the kind you hear Randy Newman singing along to in the middle of a Pixar movie. You know… something with lyrics about “being best pals forever,” or “little people are big in lots of different ways” or “You and me are like a couple ‘a coconuts!”
The judges went sloppy over the whole damn thing. Suckers.
Len: “Two little dancing munchkins! Good job, dog!”
Carrie Ann: “You made your grannies proud, and you made us proud!”
Trio Dance – Sasha from The Troupe threw in for a “Disco Matador” themed three-way Paso Doble. The judges loved the theme of the performance but, Roshon was called out for falling out of sync more than once. I liked the lights. I squinted and pretended I was on Space Mountain.
SCORE: 27/30 – TOTAL FOR THE NIGHT 56/60.
William Levy and Cheryl Burke – Dance #1 Foxtrot – William Levy in a tux. Need more be said?
Len: “It was a mix of care and flair. Care in the technique… flair in the movement.”
Carrie Ann: “Your movements are exquisite.”
SCORE: 30/30 – The only perfect score of the night
Trio Dance – Cheryl and William performed a Paso Doble with Tony Dovolani. Pretty smoking performance by my standards.
William in a Zorro mask. Really, He could have performed it entirely on his own and still won the Trio Dance. This Latin-themed Paso was definitely right up his alley, and that can’t be said often for Pretty-Boy Levy.
SCORE: 27/30 – TOTAL FOR THE NIGHT 57/60
HICH SCORE OF THE NIGHT: William and Cheryl
LOW SCORE OF THE NIGHT: Melissa and Maks
WHO’S GOING HOME? Time is up for M&M. I’d go with Roshon, but after William he ended up with the highest score of the night, so I’m sorry to say it’s probably the end of the line for Donald and Peta.