When Michael sent me this picture earlier today from the Robot Chicken animation studios, I texted him immediately and asked if this guy was going to mind having his face on my website. Michael responded: “Oh, no. Kevin is an attention whore. He’d LOVE to be on your site!” And so for Kevin the attention whore, the road to fame and notoriety begins here today at TvFoodAndDrink.com.
Michael tells me a lot of stories about the characters he works with, but I rarely see these people in person. I may meet them at a wrap party or a Christmas party, but months will pass in between, and I’ll inevitably forget which face belongs to which name. It’s a character flaw, but it isn’t limited to Michael’s co-workers. I can’t even keep track of my remote control. The other day I found it on top the cat box out on the balcony.
So when Michael texted me last week, simply saying, “Olive is here!” boy did I feel the pressure. I knew he was waiting for an appropriate response, but I hadn’t a clue who “Olive” was. The few of Michael’s co-workers I have managed to burn into my sickly memory banks I’ve done so by associating with things I’ve learned about them or moments I’ve shared with them: “Joy who’s getting married,” “Tommy who lives downtown,” “Trish who used to work at Starbucks,” “Jeanette who I got drunk with,” “Dan who has the blog,” “Sarah who I made hot dogs for that one time.”
But who the hell was Olive?
I decided to roll the dice. It was clear Olive didn’t work with MG or he wouldn’t have felt the need to celebrate her appearance. Instead, I figured it had to be a loved one associated with someone at work – the kind who is occasionally brought into the office for a special guest appearance, to be coddled and adored over while work goes completely ignored for twenty to thirty minutes.
So I texted Michael back, “Oh… Olive! Is that the baby… or the paralyzed chihuahua?”
I figured I might be able to trick Michael into thinking I at least almost knew who Olive was by narrowing it down to two possible options.
But I was wrong on both counts.
Olive is a pug… a pug with four fully functioning legs. Boyfriend points denied.
If we’re out together and someone Michael recognizes waves at us and begins an approach, I quickly lean in and whisper, “Do I know them?” and Michael either assures me I don’t, or gives me a lightning fast bio so I don’t make an fool of myself, just like Emily Blunt did for Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada. “That’s Rick. We met him at Comic-Con. He lives in the hills. He does calligraphy.”
And for that, but not that alone, I will always be grateful to Michael. And I will always make him cookies to share with his co-workers. Even Kevin the attention whore.
By the way… I wasn’t making up the paralyzed chihuahua. You can see a picture below. You ought to watch the way that baby can get around on those back wheels, coasting and swerving through all the legs at Robot Chicken and snapping up every dropped cheese puff in sight!
I can’t decide who I like the most… paralyzed chihuahua, Olive the pug, or Kevin the attention whore. But one thing is certain. Now that they’re all on my website, I’ll forever have a short-cut to remembering which is which.
Cornmeal-Thyme Cookies from Martha Stewart
- 1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- 1 cup stone-ground yellow cornmeal
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 8 ounces (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
- 1 1/4 cups sugar
- 2 large eggs
- 3/4 cup dried currants
- 1 tablespoon plus 1/2 teaspoon finely chopped fresh thyme
Preheat oven to 350 degrees, with racks in upper and lower thirds. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper; set aside. Whisk together flour, baking soda, cornmeal, and salt in a medium bowl.
Put butter and sugar in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment; cream on medium speed until pale and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Mix in eggs, 1 at a time. Add flour mixture; mix on low speed until just combined. Mix in currants and thyme.
Using a tablespoon or a 1 1/2-inch ice-cream scoop, drop rounded balls of dough onto lined sheets, spacing them 2 inches apart. Bake, rotating and switching positions of sheets about halfway through, until pale golden, 10 to 12 minutes. Transfer cookies, on parchment, to a wire rack. Let cool completely.