The Black Scorpion centers on a misunderstood prehistoric creature who is accidentally freed from his underground cave by a volcanic eruption and proceeds to roam all of Mexico in search of friendship and understanding.
Unfortunately, he is unable to find it, so instead he decides to slash his way through thousands of locals, demolish infrastructure, and create economic chaos in an attempt to weaken the peso.
Is it wrong to have a little sympathy for this guy? True, his stinger is the size of a Beluga Airbus, but I think we could all benefit from a little understanding. After all, think of everything The Black Scorpion’s missed out on these past 65 million years. He didn’t get to see that Garbage Pail Kids movie. He never got to try Billy Beer. He missed those Pepsi commercials with the little Jewish girl who sounds like Aretha Franklin. Don’t even tell him about Hands Across America!
It makes sense that The Black Scorpion’s probably a little frustrated for not being more up on recent culture. Shit, I go nuts when my DVR forgets to record Price is Right.
So he knocked a few trains off their tracks, and he pulled a couple phone repair guys off their polls and snapped ’em in half. Don’t tell me E.T. wasn’t planning the same exact path of destruction before he got trapped by that trio of brats and was forced to live in the bottom of a closet, eat obscene amounts of sugar, and dress in drag.
No… human beings were just not ready to embrace a predatory arthropod simply looking to make friends and live its best life. So they lured him to a giant football stadium with a truck full of dead cattle and went after him with tanks, choppers and electric cables to the throat.
And in the end, as is often the case in these 1950’s stop-motion horror films (especially the ones that came out of Warner Brothers), the humans come out on top!
Sorry to see you go, Señor Black Scorpion, but on the bright side, the little niños will have dinner tonight!
Texas BBQ Chicken Pizza with Prosciutto
- 1 – 1 1/2 cups BBQ sauce
- 1 1/2 – 2 cups cubed or shredded chicken
- 1/4 cup diced onion
- 2 cups gouda, 1/4 cup reserved
- 1 cup mozzarella, 1/4 cup reserved
- 1/2 cup diced bell pepper
- 2 tsp. diced pickled jalapeno pepper slices
- 1/4 cup roughly chopped prosciutto
- 1 tsp. fresh chopped basil
- 1 tsp. fresh chopped rosemary
- salt, oregano and pepper to taste
- 1 Tbsp. oilve oil
Preheat oven with pizza stone to 500°F. Evenly spread the olive oil over the top of your rolled-out pizza crust. Top with BBQ sauce and chopped onion, then both cheeses (reserving 1/4 cup of each, followed by bell peppers, jalapenos and prosciutto.
Top with both reserved cheeses, basil and rosemary. Add salt, pepper and oregano. Cook in oven for approximately 14 minutes (turning once mid-way), or until crust is golden brown. Gouda does not melt as smoothly as mozzarella so don’t be concerned if it still looks slightly un-melted. If the rest of the pie looks ready, remove it from the oven, let cool and enjoy!