Celebrity Apprentice Recap: March 20, 2011

Well, you have to get up pretty late in the day to look more slap-crackers than Gary Busey. Yet somehow, supermodel Niki Taylor managed to pull off the impossible. Should we have all been tipped off when she made it clear she wasn’t sure which century we were living in… the twentieth or the twenty-first?

And I don’t mean to say it became obvious she didn’t know…. I mean to say she made it clear she didn’t know. When you have to defer to a Playboy centerfold to confirm what century you’re currently living and breathing in, you’re just begging to have your ass canned.

I thought nothing was going to top this remark made by Gary early on as he argued with Meat Loaf about throwing him under the bus after last week’s challenge: “Don’t tell me what I’m not doing when I’m doing what you don’t think I’m doing.”

But that was nothing compared to the gem Niki delivered a little later: “It was important that I go with Hope to the graphic designer because we’re both models… and I needed that energy.”

Supermodel Niki, didn’t I tell you TWO WEEKS AGO that this “sunnyside-up-we’re-all-friends-routine” was gonna get you nowhere? But if you’d come across as just someone who was all niceness and manners, I might have been able to forgive you. But after you and the centerfold figured out together (using Google, I might add) which century we were currently living in, you then WENT ON to sell the camping products that were the heart of this week’s challenge to prospective customers as “a camper for the twentieth century!”

No wonder Gary Busey did little more than sit in a chair and point at the sky with Jose Canseco for the entire challenge.   Why should he bother?  His counterpart on the other team had the killer instinct of Holly Hobbie.

I’m not even gonna wait to tell you that Niki Taylor got fired this week.  You don’t deserve to be as strung along as I was for such a lame, pointless conclusion to an episode whose highlights sadly included LaTyoya Jackson being praised for her knowledge of recreational vehicles and enough lag time in the boardroom for Meat Loaf to go tearing down the hall to bring John Rich back a guitar so he could sing his “Camping World” theme song to The Donald.

Since I guess I need to be clear, I don’t watch Celebrity Apprentice to see how well each team comes together to pull of a task against the odds in an amazingly triumphant manner and then heads to the boardroom hand-in-hand with nothing but praise and love for their fellow team members. I can watch that kum ba ya bullshit on Oprah’s channel.

I watch Celebrity Apprentice to see famous people humiliate, backstab, and on occasion, physically assault one another in the presence of Donald Trump in an effort to preserve their fragile little egos. Niki Taylor not only failed as a Project Manager. She failed as a reality television contender. Not only did she NOT even bother to call out two members of her team to head back to the boardroom and face firing, she basically asked… no, begged… Trump to fire her, denying the audience the cat-fights, bitchiness, and traitorous acts that even previous cast-offs like David Cassidy and Lisa Rinna understood they were required to deliver as cast members of this show. This is television, after all. Honesty has no place in it.  Congratulations, Niki.  You can hold your head up high at the next PTA meeting, and I’m sure The Red Cross will be delighted at the ZERO DOLLAR check you’ll be delivering to them as a result of your participation in this show.

So let’s turn away from dear Niki and look at some of the actual highlights from last night’s Celebrity Apprentice.  But before we do, I leave you with this last gem of Ms. Taylor’s as she showed a prospective couple one of her gussied up RVs:

“This camper is for the family who doesn’t want to spend $25,000 going to… an amusement park.”

  • Dionne Warwick continues to wander around through each challenge like a grandma searching for the chewing gum that fell out of her mouth.  Said fellow team member NeNe Leakes, “I see Miss Dionne don’t do much… you know… but she is 70 so… I’m thinking when I’m 70… I don’t want to do much either.” I had no idea who the hell Nene Leakes was prior to this show, but she is fast becoming my favorite member of team A.S.A.P.
  • Anybody else notice that the representative from Camping World looked like a dead ringer for comedian Larry Miller?

  • Mark McGrath going out of his way to shoot phone video of Gary Busey and Jose Canseco playing catch outside the RVs in an effort to report their naughtiness back to Trump like the kid in the old Little Rascals movies who skipped around in a straw hat with a pretty blue ribbon and matching short pants waiting to rat out Spanky and the gang to the Miss Crabtree.
  • LaToya Jackson going to battle with the lock on the RV’s bathroom door
  • In the boardroom when Trump asked Marlee Matlin which team won, and Marlee insisted it was the women, Project Manager Niki Taylor responded, “Really?”
  • Did anyone else’s hamburger patty fall out of the bun when they heard Trump call Gary Busey “a genius”? I guess we should expect to see Mr. Busey for sometime to come despite how obviously he under-performs week after week. I’m assuming his contract with Celebrity Apprentice dictates as much.

As you can probably guess, I feel that this week’s Celebrity Apprentice completely bit the wiener.  Anyone care to disagree?  I’m going to go to bed with that damn country “Camping World” song ringing in my head.  Thank you, John Rich.

Although I will say, those RV’s looked kinda cool.

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2 thoughts on “Celebrity Apprentice Recap: March 20, 2011

  • March 21, 2011 at 8:43 am

    This may be another “I am older than dirt” comment, but since when was Meatloaf such a wimp? He’s not doing much to represent old rockers. Next year, I wonder what Courtney Love is up to?

    And are the editors leaving out Richard Hatch since it was announced he is in jail and unlikely to appear in the finale (but wouldn’t it be fun if the finale was filmed in prison). Seems like 2 episodes in a row he was hardly mentioned.

  • March 21, 2011 at 10:58 am

    That is some amazing casting there, Dave. Courtney Love would be amazing on this show. And I think you in fact might be older than dirt because I’m at least older than the light bulb and even I don’t remember when Meat Loaf was anything other than what he is on this show.l

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