MG says, “Yay! it’s time for Brothers and Liars and Sisters and Liars and Liars and Liars and Liars!”
And the winner of biggest liar of the night… Sally Field’s Nora Walker, who takes the “Most Gargantuan Lie” Award along with the “Longest Enduring Lie.” Award… 25 years! Wow. Way to go, Nora! Of course, it makes sense that if you raise a brood full of sneaky lying deceptive kids, you’d have to be the sneakiest, most deceptive liar of them all.
And the big secret we’ve all been waiting to learn?
Here it is… a Walker kid was responsible for paralyzing another kid at the big kegger bash a teenage Sarah threw at Ojai Foods way back in the 80’s. Early on, we are led to believe that Tommy was the guilty party, but that turned out not to be the case, which is good because it would be way too easy for the writers to pin the most dastardly deeds on Balthazar Getty, who only shows up every tenth episode. I personally have always been a fan of Balthazar Getty on this show. Tommy’s got the strongest backbone and the flimsiest conscience. That equals “most awesome Walker kid” in my book. I’d like to see the show bring him back full time and just set him loose!
At the top of the show, Nora shares with the family that she’s considering selling Ojai Foods. Sarah objects louder than the rest. And up comes “Narrow Lake,” the mysterious piece of property no one knows anything about but is apparently worth bucks deluxe.
Saul pushes Nora to tell her kids the “full story” and Nora reveals the dreaded name of Dennis York. Everyone bickers. Everyone’s suspicious. No one’s drinking, and they still haven’t decided what to order for dinner. It’s just too much for Nora, who storms out of the kitchen, leaving all questions unanswered and the whole family starving.
Back from the opening credits and we get to spend time with each brother and sister separately, who all yammer on and on about whether or not to sell their shares and what secret Nora is hiding from them all. And now it’s time for flashbacks, which don’t really seem all that necessary. We learn that teenage Sarah liked to drink Tab, tween Kitty was already a Republican, Tommy was a rebel, and Kevin was in the closet. And 80’s Justin was nothing more than a little rodent who needed to get back into his racecar bed and stop intruding on more interesting characters. Hey! He’s just like adult Justin!
Time for a secret meeting between Nora and the nefarious Dennis York. Dennis pressures Nora about the Ojai Foods sale. Nora begs for more time. He threatens her with canceled checks – proof of what “they did.” York threatens to destroy the family and reveal “the big secret” if Nora doesn’t get the kids to sell.
Sarah meets up with Holly (or as MG refers to her… “the whore lady”). Holly basically convinces Sarah not to sell, though Sarah insists to Nora that she’s made up her own mind. Nora rips into Sarah good, and calls her out for basically being a selfish, demanding daughter who takes and takes and takes, and never gives anything back, making Sarah runner up for “most awesome Walker kid.” Nora storms out, and again the kids are left to starve.
More flashbacks. Kevin remembers 80’s Tommy getting into a car drunk. Kevin, Kitty and Sarah begin to suspect that the ensuing car crash resulted in Tommy paralyzing the passenger. Kitty reveals this to Robert, but Robert already knows all about it. Turns out all the Walkers were investigated extensively when Robert ran for President. That means Tommy’s off the hook. And it sets off a memory in Kevin who flashes back to the night of the party.
80’s Kevin arrived with super-sexy high school swimmer, Aaron. Post-party, Aaron and Kevin awkwardly share a wine cooler and Aaron moves in for some action.
Closeted Kevin pushes him away and starts swinging. A fight ensues, and hot little Aaron falls off a platform. At the same moment, William arrives and Kevin hops into the car, scared and confused. Turns out Aaron was paralyzed as a result of the fall, and William and Nora paid off the family (with the help of York) to keep them quiet and protect fragile little Kevin.
Here’s what I don’t get. Nora says that after William died, she continued to pay Aaron’s family regularly. Just how long do they have to pay? And wouldn’t it have been better to come to some sort of secret settlement agreement where the Walkers would have paid once and never again, putting this whole thing behind them, rather than having to be reminded of it over and over and over again, not to mention creating a huge paper trail just waiting to be discovered by a disgruntled former employee? Doesn’t make a lot of sense.
Speaking of not making sense, Justin and Rebecca randomly tie the knot down at the local courthouse. Why these two are still involved and on the screen is a mystery to me. Nothing they do is of any interest or consequence to the rest of the characters. Frankly, I’d love to see a Justin-Rebecca-Bad Boy Tommy triangle, though I doubt it will happen. Short of that, one of these two characters needs to die… and take Scotty with them!
Kevin is majorly pissed at Nora for shielding him from the truth all these years. Enter useless Scotty who gives mopey sad-face and points to his available shoulder.
Holly wants Nora to head to the lake and unravel the mystery that… well, I don’t know what the mystery is or how this lake is involved, but everyone on screen seems to care, so what the hell! Any ridiculous plot turns that may come, I’m on board.
The newlyweds have some quirky cute dialogue and make me long for a JCPenney’s commercial.
Kitty is concerned that her cancer may return.
Kevin is determined to meet with hot paralyzed swimmer Aaron to ask for forgiveness. Turns out, not only was Aaron paralyzed, but he also went way downhill in the looks department. Kinda greasy… sorry. From the looks of him, you’d think he lived in a trailer, but somehow he lives in a perfectly-decorated, well-lit middle-class home, complete with the porch ramp Kevin must cross to reach the front door – ooh, poor Kevin. What a sock to the gut!
Kevin asks for forgiveness, and admits to Aaron that he’s gay. My question is this… even if Kevin was kept in the dark about Aaron’s paralysis, wouldn’t Aaron at some point have wanted some closure, or even a petty confrontation? Did they really never see each other again after that night? Kinda hard to believe.
Aaron more or less tells Kevin nicely to fuck off. He doesn’t dwell on the accident, but he isn’t concerned with providing absolution.
Justin and Rebecca end up at the old Ojai Foods cabin. Something is brewing, but I don’t know what yet, but I suspect that by the end of the episode the entire Walker clan will end up at this cabin.
Holly and Nora are on some kind of mission. They’re calling themselves “Thelma and Louise,” but they’re acting more like “Lucy and Ethel.” Nora distracts York at a bar while Holly sneaks into his hotel room looking for clues. More shenanigans, and before you know it, Nora and Holly have stolen his car and tear off to find Narrow Lake. They show up at the cabin and interrupt Justin and Rebecca about to embark on their first nookie as husband and wife. Sarah and Tommy show up next to convince Nora and Holly to return York’s car. Next up, enter the sheriff, who’s arrived to arrest Nora and Holly for stealing John Wayne’s footprints from outside Grauman’s Chinese… or maybe not.
Robert busts out Nora and Holly (not before taking a picture of the two divas behind bars with his phone – love!). Kitty, Kevin and Scotty hear the news about Justin and Rebecca’s wedding and head to the cabin. Awkwardness between Nora and Kevin. Cut to a big dinner scene at the cabin with lots of candles, a perfect light breeze on the porch to blow through everyone’s hair, and Saul! Hey, who called him?
By the way, do these people ever have anything else on their calendars? Dental appointment? Pet grooming? Laundry? Cooking class? Anything?
The dinner is interrupted by Kitty’s call with results from her checkup. As she leaves the room so she can return dramatically, Kevin gives a speech about fate and love and the future. Does this mean he’s forgiven Nora? Looks that way. Kitty returns… dramatically as promised… eyes brimming with tears. Cancer free!
Post-dinner, Justin reminds Nora that she’s been an awesome mom. The family collective again wrestles with the location of Narrow Lake because they couldn’t find Monopoly anywhere in the cabin. Kevin, suddenly realizes that “Narrow Lake” is an anagram for… “Nora Walker!” What does this mean? I don’t know. But next week, we apparently flashback to the 70s for more answers and, thankfully, we welcome Colin Egglesfield to the scene as a young, hot William Walker.
Personally, I was hoping for a Brothers and Sisters that focused more on the dramatic and less on the goofy. That’s what the commercials promised. I guess I should have known better.
Overall, I’d say I got about 60% goofy, 30% dramatic, and 10% Justin and Rebecca, who are so boring they defy categorization.
Anyone agree? Anyone disagree? Anyone care? It’s 11:47 and it just started to rain. I’m going to cuddle with MG. He’s also 60% goofy and 30% dramatic, but don’t tell him I told you so.