Better Cock Your Pistols! Matt Houston on DVD!

In the wake of the 1980s CBS phenom that was Tom Selleck’s Magum P.I. came a barrage of detective/action series clones featuring sexy dudes with hairy chests and mustaches. One of my favorite of these clones, Matt Houston, hits stores today.

Matt Houston ran from 1982 to 1985 on ABC. I was pretty up on my tv actors back then and would watch anything featuring the deadly-sexy Pamela Hensley, who played Princess Ardala (outer space’s first drag queen) on Buck Rogers in the 25th Century and guest-starred on just about everything else on the tube back then.

Lee Horsley was charming enough as Matt, sort of Magnum with only one third of the carbs. But more than anything, I tuned in regularly because of the catchy theme music and opening titles, which featured, along with Horsely and Hensley in action, more shots of motorized vehicles crashing into water than any other show to ever hit the air.

Matt was a rich Texas oil tycoon who dabbled in private investigating, mostly in Los Angeles (because Texas apparently has no crime). The format of the show was more or less the same week-in and week-out. In the opening scenes, a guest star with some degree of television fame (possibly Arte Johnson, possibly Lovey Howell) would get bumped off in the most inconceivable way possible. If Matt and his trusty platonic sidekick C.J. (Hensley) were not actually there to witness it, a friend of the deceased would find his or her way to Matt’s office to provide additional back story and put Matt on the case.

Matt would then proceed to question several other regular tv guest stars, some with careers on the way up and some on the way down, each seemingly with more than enough motive and opportunity to be the guilty party. Next, Matt meets up with a friend on the force who warns him that things are getting too hot and he should step aside and let the L.A.P.D. do the work. Matt refuses politely, but the next thing you know, someone’s shooting at him or tampering with his brakes, or slipping poison into his bourbon and… BOOM, now it’s PERSONAL.

A few more dialogue scenes and additional investigating provides Matt and C.J. with the clue they inevitably missed the first time around. Next up, a confrontation with the killer, usually someplace with numerous escape possibilities and/or an over-abundance of motorized vehicles with keys waiting in the ignition. Said criminal makes a run for it, chase ensues, and as stated above, usually ends up with a car going into a pool, a motorcycle into a jacuzi, a skateboard into a bathtub. Matt jumps into the water, grabs criminal by collar, fistfight ensues, criminal surrenders, rest of the cast catches up to the scene, Matt says something funny that skirts off the danger of his predicament. Cut to scenes from this Saturday’s Fantasy Island

And if the above isn’t enough to get you to Amazon.com this very minute, consider these action-packed episode summaries:

“Recipe for Murder” – A severed head in gelatin shocks a food critic who recognizes it as belonging to his partner.

“Joey’s Here” – Matt tries to discover why a robot would murder the brother of its genius creator.

‘The Purrfect Crime” – When a cat food mogul is found mauled to death by a domesticated tiger, his four ex-wives retain Matt’s services so they can receive proceeds the from the will.

Tags: Aaron Spelling, ABC, Buck Rogers, Lee Horsley, Matt Houston, Pamela Hensley, Princess Ardala