If you only tuned in to tonight’s episode of Bachelor Pad because of the over-hyped live Dancing with the Stars “press conference” to announce the new season’s cast (did anyone see any members of the press? I didn’t.), you may have found the roster reveal a little disappointing. I however, did not. After being made to suffer through nearly ninety minutes of Bachelor Pad’s tired old plotting, catty remarks, hysterical ranting and romantic dialgoue so clumsy Joanie and Chachi would opnely snicker at it, I was, for the first time in my life, happlily relieved to actually see Bristol Palin’s face on my television set.
Yes, Bristol assumes the Dancing “I have no idea I’m being laughed at” slot most recently vacated by Kate Gosselin. The only way selecting her would have been anything other than completely tasteless and desperate would have been if Levi Johnston had been announced as one of her competitors. Not only would people across the country have turned each week’s episode into an absolute event (“Teen Mom vs. Moose Cock.. there can be only one!”), but little baby Tripp would have been spared the chore of having to repeatedly explain the complex mechanics behind his See ‘n Say “Counting with Mickey” pullstring toy to mommy and daddy for a few weeks in the fall.
But… there will be no War of the Wasilla Roses. What a missed opportunity.
But getting back to Bachelor Pad… last week, Cowboy Wes was singled out as the next one “heading for the chopping block,” a phrase the jacuzzi-going guys and gals on the show seem very fond of using, outshined only by, “There’s a target on my back!” and “No, no. I got that from swimming in a public pool!”
Poor Cowboy Wes. He threw in last week with Gia, who ended up getting the ax. The “couples” in the house continue to survive while the outsider “singles” are… well… going under.
Tonight’s challenge was only original in that it was a new low in humiliating the female competitors on the show. The residents of the Crab Shack were required to fill out surveys mandating they give “truthful” answers to nasty little fifth-grade questions about their housemates. They were then brought together and asked to reveal not who they themselves had picked as the answer, but to correctly predict who they thought collectively got the most votes for each question, in order to secure this week’s immunity roses.
With a challenge like this, there really wasn’t any way the cast could keep themselves from looking completely like assholes. But by far, the most humiliating moment had to be when they were all asked to reveal who they thought would be selected as the dumbest, and the overwhelming answer given was Grandma Gwen.
First… what do you make for dinner that will be satisfying and delicious, but super-easy because you started drinking champagne at four o’clock in the the afternoon and don’t have the energy to attempt anything even remotely ambitious?
Second… is it possible to eat a fantastic deep-fried tortilla loaded down with crab meat, jalapeño, avocado, tomato, onion, lime, and cotija cheese ONE-HANDED and NOT drop morsels onto the table?
The answer to the first question: Crab Tostadas.
The answer to the second question: No Fucking Way.
Work is kicking my ass this week. I’m not too thrilled to admit that I’ve been back on burgers and pizza for dinner. Shame on me. Please enjoy the fruits of my efforts below, the opening segment of my “Woop Woop Wednesday” show on GSN, and a delicious outtake after the jump. I’m hitting the kitchen hard this weekend, so get ready!
Three weeks into life at the ABC Crab Shack and the Beautiful People are proving themselves less and less attractive with each opportunity they have to open their mouths.
Unfortunately, as a result of this week’s kissing challenge, open mouths were about all we saw for the first half of the episode.
Though I admit that I was not as bored with this episode as I was with last week’s pie-eating fiasco, this week’s kissing challenge, where each girl and guy left competing on the show was blindfolded and made to make out with all of the members of the opposite sex and then vote for “the best kisser” proved to have a real “ick” factor I didn’t see coming.
Was it the over over-eagerness of Tippy Toes Tenley and David “Missing Baldwin Brother” David to flap their tongues out in the air like pez dispensers on death row?
Was it Natalie, who proudly stated, ” I would make out with everyone in the house for… like… twenty bucks”?
No, it was probably the teary-eyed Gia, who reminded us all, between her endless whimpering about having a boyfriend at home, that she’s not really all that keen on a mass-male face-sucking bonanza.
And frankly, the fact that Gia was experiencing a repulsion – fabricated or not – at the idea of having to make out with every single guy in the house, one after another, on camera, is actually pretty buyable, and it created an aura of realistic perversion from which self-proclaimed light-hearted summer programming like Bachelor Pad should avoid at all costs.
Though Penny at Lake Lure Cottage Kitchen freely admits to finding this very simple and highly gratifying recipe at AllRecipes.com, I’ve still decided to re-name them in her blog’s honor. I take a lot of food into work but rarely do I get actual requests, or in one case an outright demand for more of the same, and the sooner the better.
Luckily for all involved, there are two extra cups of blueberries in my refrigerator awaiting their assignment. Take it from me, if you want to be the singular hotshot of your office on an otherwise bleak and routine Monday morning, these muffins are your ticket to stardom.
Only two episodes into ABC’s Bachelor Pad, and already, the tired old “sexy people in a house” story-telling formula is proving itself about as thin and obvious as the hairlines of the bachelors during the episode’s pie-eating challenge.
Not that summer programming hasn’t become routinely scintillating while relying on the same reality format everyone else is getting away with (set up alliances, show some skin, set up “secret” alliances, show people getting it on, present a Voting-Off ceremony no one could see coming because the pertinent information was not shown to us, dramatically announce that “the game has changed,” show someone crying, tease scenes from next week)… but come on! When the highlights from this achingly stretched episode are watching “Tippy-Toes” Tenley upchuck “challenge pie” into a bucket, and Weatherman Jonathan parading around in a speedo the likes of which I have not seen since the 1970s Battle of the Network Stars, something has really gone off the rails.
Not even the beautiful bodies, hot tub flirting, or a round of shower nookie could keep me interested. I’m sexier folding towels in the laundry room wearing my flip-flips and my 1997 DisneyWorld t-shirt.
In short, this week’s Bachelor Pad suffered from a severe “failure to titillate.”
My name is Gary Green. I am a writer and television producer living in Los Angeles, California.
I have been cooking with a serious desire to learn since fall of 2009. My goal is to make up for all the years of my adult life I spent eating meals that could be microwaved, pulled out of a paper box or delivered to my door in cardboard.
My emphasis is constantly changing... soups, gourmet burgers, chicken, dips, desserts. I am especially fond of the jalapeno pepper and use it in everything I can.
My kitchen is slowly piling up with new gadgets and utensils, and one goal is to learn how to make anything and everything without the majority of them.
Please enjoy my site and feel free to look around. I welcome recommendations, suggestions, tips, pictures, and questions always. If you'd like to contact me or suggest a new link for my blog roll, you can e-mail me at TvFoodAndDrink@gmail.com.
Poor Cowboy Wes. He threw in last week with Gia, who ended up getting the ax. The “couples” in the house continue to survive while the outsider “singles” are… well… going under.
MG and I confronted two big questions today.
Though I admit that I was not as bored with this episode as I was with 
Was it Natalie, who proudly stated, ” I would make out with everyone in the house for… like… twenty bucks”?
No, it was probably the teary-eyed Gia, who reminded us all, between her endless whimpering about having a boyfriend at home, that she’s not really all that keen on a mass-male face-sucking bonanza.
What’s a television show without a father/son mime act? Not much.
Though Penny at 
